I've had a lot of things happen to me recently, I finally, after trying for years, left my boyfriend. He was extremely abusive, to the point where I question everything anyone says and nobody can touch me, any kind of contact makes me think about what he did.
I couldn't have done it without Zach, we met through friends a while back but when he found out about what was going on he immediately stepped in and helped me. I would still be with my ex if it wasn't for him. He's now helping me to recover physically but most importantly mentally. He's gone to therapy with me for a while now because I didn't want to be alone. He admitted his feelings for me, I told him I felt the same but I was scared, which he understood of course.
We were sat in the waiting room of the therapists office. Zach was sat next to me as I looked at the ground.
"y/n"
"yeah?"
he opened his hand towards me
"can I take your hand?"
I hesitated for a while but he waited and didn't push me, I felt myself start to freak out so I said no.
"no i-i can't sorry"
"hey it's ok, you're all good"
"y/l/n!"
we looked up and went into the room. We talked for a bit about what I'd been doing to help myself feel better. Then we got to the contact with other people topic and I explained to her everything with a shaky voice. We did a breathing exercise which helped calm me a bit.
"can you touch his hand, not even take it just touch it"
Zach put his hand on the armrest, I looked over and thought about it for a second.
"what are you thinking rightnow?"
"he might hit me"
"you actually believe that?"
"I know he wouldn't but the feeling is still there"
"you don't need to do it"
"I want to"
I looked back at Zach's hand before looking up at him, he shot me comforting smile. I leaned my hand out and touched his for a few short seconds.
"so how do you feel?"
"stressed but i'm ok"
"ok well this is definitely something you can work on, start with holding hands maybe a hug and move up from there you know"
"ok"
When the session was over I thanked her and we walked out, as walked to the car I looked at his hand, I took a deep breath and took his hand, he looked down and smiled before linking our fingers together softly.
"thank you"
I softly whispered
"of course"
We got in the car and drove home, I asked him if he could come sit on my bed with me, something I was also scared of. My ex never raped me but got close multiple times.
I sat on one side and he went to the other side, we got closer before eventually sitting just close enough without touching.
"how do you feel?"
"i'm so scared Zach"
I said letting out a sob, he sat back a bit
"it's ok love i'm never gonna hurt you"
he waited till I calmed down
"can you look at me?"
I breathed and looked up.
"I'm never gonna lay a hand on you like that, I will never ever hurt you. You're the most beautiful person with an even more beautiful soul. I will only ever show you love, I promise I'll always be gentle and sweet. You mean so much to me and seeing you like this saddens me a lot. If you're ready, let me in, let me prove it and show it to you. Because I love you baby"
"thank you, I want to but it's so hard"
"yes I know but take your time and everything will be ok, everything is ok"
I nodded, we looked at each other for a few seconds, I blew him a kiss. He chuckled and did the same. I leaned my hand out, he slowly lifted his and took mine ever so gently. He rubbed it very softly.
"this ok? are you comfortable"
I nodded
——
It was now about two weeks later, he can touch my hand and kiss it without scaring me. I grew more comfortable everyday and decided I want to take a bigger step. I got out of bed and put on some sweats before going to his room. He was in bed on his phone. He looked up and smiled at me.
"good morning baby"
I blushed at the nickname, I couldn't always say it back but he understands of course.
"I wanna try something today"
"of course"
"I wanna give you a hug"
he smiled and nodded. I smiled and he took my hand kissing it softly, he took the other and held them lovingly. We both stood up and he put on a hoodie.
"you wanna do it here or are you more comfortable in your room"
"I wanna try here"
"ok, should I open my arms"
"not too much"
he nodded and did so I took a deep breath and went for it, I pulled back last second. I looked at his comforting eyes which told me that everything would be fine. I got closer and did it, soon enough the only thing I was thinking about his how comforting his hold was. I didn't feel stressed or scared, his hand didn't move from my back, he didn't want to scare me by moving.
"you're doing so well baby, I'm so proud of you"
I pulled back and smiled
"thank you so much"
"what are you feeling?"
"I wanna do more, I trust you"
he smiled and blushed. I didn't know how to
tell him I wanted to kiss him so I just leaned forward and he understood pretty quickly. I kissed him quickly and stepped back. I blushed and his my face realising I liked it making him laugh.
I hugged him again, he was very loosely holding me not wanting to scare me at all. I looked up and touched his cheek, I don't know where the confidence came from but I kissed him again, longer this time.
