If There's a Reason He's Still Alive

trente-quatre + tag

Alex POV

From his position on top of me, Thomas gives me a faint smile.

I smile back, hoping for another kiss. 

"Look," he says quietly, "I don't want to ruin the moment or anything but can we shift into a more comfortable position to have what I'm sure is going to be a long conversation?"

I giggle and nod my head.

Let me rephrase that: I, Alexander Hamilton, an adult, just fucking giggled after being kissed by the man I was pining over in a parking garage.

To be fair, it's not as though there's a correct response for this situation, not that I can think of, at least.

Thomas rolls off of me and sits up against the door of the stairwell, motioning for me to sit next to him.

"So," he says after a couple of minutes. "We kissed."

How is he being so calm about this?

"Yes," I say, "We did."

"And you told me that you liked me."

"Yes," I say, even quieter now, "I did."

I put my head in my hands and curl up into a little ball, my position of choice when being faced with an uncomfortable situation.

Minutes ago I was running on pure emotion, something that seems to be becoming a bad habit for me. Pure emotion is what gets people hurt, as I've reminded myself so many times, although it doesn't seem to stick, especially around Thomas. How many times have I reminded myself to plan our interactions, only for it to all fall apart when we come face to face? Too many, that's for sure. 

Thomas pats me on the back gently.

"Hey Alex," he says softly, "I'm sorry if I violated any boundaries when I kissed you. I should've asked first, and I understand if you're uncomfortable right now."

"No," I choke out, "It was fine, I was just surprised that you did it, that's all. I mean, I liked it, but... um... uh..."

I'm slightly calmer now, having realized that the chances our relationship will go horribly south in the hour or so we have left together are rare. I mean, he did kiss me, so it's highly likely that he harbors some sort of romantic feelings towards me, although the possibility that he doesn't is still prominent. Even if he doesn't, there isn't much for me to lose, except for the possibility of love.

The second my first fears are assuaged, if only partially, a new panic comes to fill the space at the forefront of my mind. He kissed me, sure, but he's going to be going back to his job and his life later today, and I won't be a part of it. Maybe if I had just seen the signs earlier we would've been able to have some sort of relationship. 

I can't help but shake the feeling that I've messed up my new life before it even started, which seems to be a record for me.

"What's up, Alex?" he says. "You seem tense, is everything alright?"

I stare at the concrete floor of the parking garage fixedly.

Ooh, gray bumps.

I can feel his eyes on me for a second before he speaks.

"If you're worried about, well, the confession, I-uh..." 

Here he pauses, although only briefly; to me, however, it feels as if an eternity passes.

"I feel the same way."

My confidence starts coming back, first a trickle, then a torrent as the dam breaks from his confirmation, and the web of panic gets swept away in the flow. 

I still feel a few worries, of course, they cling to the edges of my brain: the ever-present fear of messing up. 

I smile and look up, remembering our first interaction.

"Hey," I say, imitating my past self, "Would you want to go out for tea?"

"Hell yes," Thomas says, smiling, "The doctors can wait."

~ Timeskip brought to you by macarons, like the French ones, they are delicious and why do I have a bunch of timeskips about food? Oh yeah, food is good. ~

Thomas and I sit at a little table next to one of the big windows spanning the coffee shop's front. Despite what I said, Thomas is the only one of us actually drinking tea; I'm enjoying a cup of strong black coffee, a delicacy I haven't been able to enjoy in years.

"So," says Thomas after a bit, "I have a proposition for you."

He twists his hair around one of his fingers and gives me a strange look.

I snort.

"What is it, Sir Thomas?" I say teasingly. Coffee takes my mind off of practically everything, which might've been the reason why I used to drink it constantly while at college. There was much I had to take my mind off there.

"Would you wish to be courted?"

The other thing coffee does to me is make me hyper, or at the very least less tired, which is why I have to hold in a squeal when he says it. 

"Yes," I say before something occurs to me. "Wait, aren't you prohibited from dating patients or former patients you met at the hospital under patient protection laws?"

Thomas sighs and looks out the window.

I mentally slap myself for both ruining the moment and my chances of dating Thomas. 

I hurry to correct myself. "Not that I don't want to date you, I really do, but I don't want you to lose your job."

"Well," Thomas says, "I like working there, and I'm so happy to have met you and to have been able to change your life the way I did, but I was thinking that I might want to become a private psychologist. I've learned a lot while working there, but I want to try working in other places too. I'd be completely fine taking a new job."

"I don't want you to quit your job for me; that's not healthy."

Thomas smiles. "I'm glad you are looking out for me, and you're very correct that to quit a job just to pursue someone isn't exactly a healthy relationship. However, I was already considering it even before this came up, although I had no plans to abandon you at the facility."

We go back to a comfortable silence, much like the ones of times past, and I relax in my seat, staring out the window. Sometimes I just look over at Thomas, and sometimes he just looks over at me, both of us happy to be in the presence of the one we love.

A/N:Thank you everybody for reading my story and being so supportive. I believe, (but don't quote me on this), that this will be the last chapter, although there will be an epilogue coming on Wednesday. I don't really know what I will be doing next exactly, so if you have something you want to see please let me know.

I love you all so much, please stay safe.

A/N pt. 2: (03/16/21) Hi this is Angie! I used to have a tag on this chapter, but removed it for privacy reasons. My apologies for any confusion.

Your dearest author,

Angie

Word Count: 1062