Life Still Goes On

Epilogue: Looking Ahead

November 1993

I was resting on the sofa that Sunday afternoon, watching Regina crawl around on the floor, soft brown curls bouncing, blue eyes staring at me. I looked down at her and smiled. She smiled back.

My hand held a paper with information about my unborn child. I had determined that I was pregnant again just four months before. Nathan was in the kitchen cleaning dishes, humming one of Queen's songs- "I Want to Break Free." I turned to look at him.

I was so happy and excited. Maybe the second pregnancy would be easier than the first one, considering that I was used to the pain. I picked up Regina, now 9 months old, and placed her on my lap, letting her listen to my stomach.

"You're going to have a brother," I whispered. "A baby brother." She clasped my right arm. "And I already know what I'm going to name him. Freddie."

I kissed my daughter on the top of her head. She was so beautiful and perfect, I thought. But my life over the past 3 years had been less than perfect. I'd changed so much since that October day in 1990 when Roger showed up unexpectedly on my doorstep.

Back then, I was just a busy young woman who spent every day researching and studying diseases, sometimes helping HIV patients. But now, I was more than just that, Never would I have imagined that I'd be married to Nathan Miller, that friendly boy from New York City. Even more surprising was the fact that I was the mother of one child and carrying a second child in my womb. But here I was, and I knew it was real.

My career continued as firmly as ever. I'd found my calling in life- to find a treatment for AIDS. Working with such a disease was not easy, I'd learned. Though some of my patients lived moderately healthy lives with HIV, others succumbed to the disease, like Freddie had. It would have been easy to give up, or to get discouraged, but I promised to keep trying to stop AIDS, for Freddie Mercury's sake, and for millions of others who had died around the world. In mid-1993, I'd even got a work opportunity from the Mercury Phoenix Trust. I accepted and continued to support the charity.

Words that Nathan mumbled echoed in my mind. "But life still goes on, I can't get used to living without, living without, living without you, by my side, I don't want to live alone..."

I smiled at my daughter and held her close. Life would continue to go on. I didn't know exactly where it would take me, but I knew that I would never have to face it alone.