Save Me a Spark | Reader x Ben Solo / Kylo Ren

Ch. 3 | Deathbeds

Eyes like a car crash
I know I shouldn't look but I can't turn away
Body like a whiplash
Salt my wounds but I can't heal the way I feel about you
I watch you like a hawk
I watch you like I'm gonna tear you limb from limb
Will the hunger ever stop?
Can we simply starve this sin?
Deathbed, all I'll see is you
The life may leave my lungs
But my heart will stay with you
The waves will pull us under
Tides will bring me back to you
Like a ghost in the silence I disappear
That little kiss you stole
It held my heart and soul
And like a deer in the headlights I meet my fate
Don't try to fight the storm
You'll tumble overboard
Tides will bring me back to you

Bring Me the Horizon - Deathbeds

*******

The trip back to the Resistance base is uncomfortable. Not only because of Finn's battered body lying on a small bed in the Falcon, but because of Chewie. He's obviously upset about Han, you both are. He's known him for decades though and to your understanding, they're practically brothers. You can't help but feel like he may resent you for showing Kylo compassion, considering he tried to kill him himself. You're not one to spill your feelings and/or have emotional one-on-ones but the silence is uncomfortable and you really don't want the large wookie to hate you.

After making sure Finn is okay, you leave his side and enter the cockpit with Chewie. When he doesn't acknowledge you, you hesitantly sit in the pilot's seat next to him. You're not sure how much time has passed but it feels like an eternity without a word said between you. You decide to put on your big girl panties and address the elephant in the room.

"Chewie...I'm...I'm sorry about Han," you say quietly. He gives you a small grunt but says nothing so you continue. "I know you're probably mad at me for staying with Kylo back there. I could have left him...I probably should have but I couldn't. There's some part of me that cares about what happens to him and I have no idea why that is. It may be because of Han, I don't know. But I couldn't leave him alone in the snow."

The entire time you're speaking you're laser focused on your hands in your lap, avoiding eye contact with Chewie for as long as possible. When you finish your little speech and he still says nothing. When you look up at him he's staring straight ahead and there's no sign he's planning on acknowledging you or responding. You sigh and stand. There's no point in sitting in uncomfortable silence with Chewie when you can sit in uncomfortable silence next to Finn who is currently unconscious and incapable of being angry with you. That will definitely change once he wakes up though.

As you're about to leave the cockpit, one more thing comes to mind.

"Han knew what he was doing. I told him what would happen if he walked across that bridge and confronted Ky...Ben. It's hard to explain how I knew what was going to happen but I did and I told him and he still went. Maybe you know what he meant but he asked me to tell Leia he tried and he asked me to tell Ben 'I know.' I don't know what any of that means but maybe you do."

With that out of the way, you leave the cockpit and sit next to Finn for the remainder of the trip.

The Resistance base on D'Qar is exactly how you imagined it would be: green, lush, and somewhat chaotic. Having grown up in Brooklyn, you've never seen so much green in your entire life. Instead of the noisy sounds of sirens, car alarms, traffic, and people in general, you're surrounded by much more pleasant things, like tall green trees, fresh clean air, and wildlife. All you have to do is blockout the chaotic sounds of ships landing and their pilots planting their feet on the ground to appreciate it.