Save Me a Spark | Reader x Ben Solo / Kylo Ren

Ch. 15 | Hell or Heaven

I've got my sins and you're well aware
So when we don't make it out alive
Where do we go from there
I'd give my life up for a single day
Cause it's never enough, no it's never
So if you follow then I'll always wait
Even if that means forever
And on my final day, this is what I'll say
I know you're scared but are you listening
Cause I don't think you hear me
Nothing can take your touch from me
Not even where we go from there
What if you can't find me
Then I'll find a wayAnd on your final day
This is what I'll say
A lifetime's just too short to share
So will you wait?
Wipe your tears away
Don't be scared to leave
I won't beg you to stay
Every night in my dreams
Cause I know, when we meet again
We'll be home
Hell or heaven

For All Those Sleeping - Hell or Heaven

*******

To say Ben is upset is an understatement. It's a mix of fear, anxiety, anger, and guilt, so much guilt. His hands are flat against the table, his head is hanging down, he's breathing deeply, and his eyes are closed.

You can't tell whether he wants to break something or run away, maybe break something before he runs away. The way he's practically vibrating with barely suppressed emotion suggests he's on the verge of snapping.

"Ben?" Leia asks cautiously, unsure whether or not trying to comfort him is a good idea.

He lifts his arm and punches the table hard enough to not only leave a dent, but to hurt his hand. Shocked by his violent outburst, Finn and Poe take a few steps back. When he shows no signs of stopping, you quickly close the space between you. You grab his arm when he pulls his fist back to punch the table again. His eyes snap open and meet yours.

"Calm down!" you yell.

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?" he yells back, equally as loud. You've never seen him so upset before.

"SNOKE KNOWS ABOUT EVERYTHING! HE KNOWS ABOUT US, MORTIS, THE WORLD BETWEEN WORLDS! ALL OF IT AND IT'S MY FAULT! I WAS STUPID TO THINK I GOT RID OF HIM AND I WAS TOO WEAK TO KEEP HIM OUT! I-"

Frowning, you roughly grab his face, kiss him once, then shove him away from you hard enough for him to stumble backwards. The action catches him off guard enough to snap him out of his fit.

His mouth opens to either argue or ask you what the hell your problem is but you don't give him a chance to speak.

"SHUT UP AND STOP YELLING!"

His mouth quickly snaps shut.

"If you're stupid, I'm stupid, because I thought we got rid of Snoke too. Are you saying I'm stupid Ben?"

"What? No of course n-"

"Good. I don't ever want to hear you berate yourself again. Understand?"

"I'm-"

"Do you understand?" you ask through gritted teeth with a glare intense enough to make men twice his size cower.

He bites the inside of his cheek and tenses his jaw, desperately wanting to argue but knowing you well enough to know it's not wise.

"Yes," he responds reluctantly.

"Vicrul didn't say exactly what Snoke knows. I mean, he gave us a general idea but he didn't go into detail. Snoke might know we have the tablet but he might now know what the image on it looks like. He might know about Mortis but he doesn't know what we saw or what happened. Even if he knows what's on the tablet and finds the entrance before us, whose to say he'll still be able to get in? It might not be as easy as walking up to it and imitating the hand gestures. Based on how annoying the Mortis gods were, I highly doubt it will be that easy."