The Choosing

Spirits

Sophie stood in front of Thaddeus' desk, her fingers knitted together as she looked down at him. His face was pressed into his hands, elbows crumpling the stacks of paper piled beneath them. Sophie cleared her throat, he didn't move. 

"It's time to go." she prompted softly. In this moment she wanted nothing more for them to be just a boy and just a girl. The weight of this responsibility bore down so heavily, Sophie's spine felt as if it would give way any moment. 

"Right," Thaddeus responded, letting a slow, controlled breath. He rose to his feet, buttoning the black sleeves of his dress shirt. Dark circles rimmed under his eyes. It had been two days, just two days. Yet it felt like a lifetime had passed. Thaddeus stepped around the desk and Sophie reached for him. She hooked her fingers in the crevice of his elbow, enjoying the comfort it brought. Thaddeus released a long breath again, pressing his mouth to Sophie temple. She had made the bun too tight, her scalp ached in protest but it was a small sacrifice to pay in comparison. 

The pair made their way down the hallway, the only noise coming from Sophie's black heels as they clacked against the floorboards. Faint splotches still stained the walls. No amount of cleaning would ever return them to their original creamy white. The inky dress brushed against Sophie's calves with each step she made. The closer they got to the front door, the more Sophie had to fight turning on her heel and running. Thaddeus didn't hesitate when they reached door, opting to treat it like a band-aid. Sophie had no choice but to keep up with him. 

Sunlight temporarily blinded Sophie, she wished it had blinded her all together. When the light faded from her eyes she was confronted with a sea of black. Sophie took a deep shaky breath and blinked the tears from her eyes. The sun shone orange as it began to dip towards the horizon. It was tradition for the pack to lay their people to rest at the close of the day.

"We can do this" Thaddeus murmured, more to himself than Sophie. 

They stepped forward and their people parted for them. Every eye was on Sophie and Thaddeus as they made their way to the front of the group. Sophie couldn't tear her eyes away from the coffins. Sixty-two. Sixty-two glossy black coffins were lined up before them. Sophie had counted the bodies herself, over and over again when the last man had been pronounced dead. Forty-three men, eleven women and eight children. She had pulled back the sheets from every body in the infirmary. Forced herself to memorise her faces as she thanked them for their sacrifice and apologised that she couldn't do more to save them. Thaddeus and Sophie turned their backs on the coffins and turned towards the sea of survivors. On paper, to an outsider it would have seemed like a glorious victory. It felt anything but to the people still standing that day. Each loss cut through Sophie like a hot knife. All eyes sat on Sophie, waiting expectantly. It was tradition Ronan had said, the Luna was akin to the pack's mother. 

"We are here today," Sophie spoke, wincing as her voice cracked "We are today today not only to say goodbye to those who gave their lives protecting us, for those who had their lives taken too soon. We are here to thank them, to remember them as they were." Thaddeus gave Sophie's hand a gentle squeeze. Keep going. The speech she had recited a hundred times over swirled in her mind as she stared at the crowd. Their faces stricken with grief. It was too polished, it wasn't right. This wasn't some graded speech in high school. 

"Forty-three men," Sophie started, earning looks of shock from the crowd, "eleven women and eight children." She let the last hang in the air for several moments "that is who was taken from us. Father's, brother's, son's, Mother's, Sister's, daughters." Sophie swallowed the lump rising in her throat. She wouldn't cry, not here. "Every single person behind me today meant something, they were important, they were loved and they loved you." Sobs broke out sporadically through the crowd. "I may not have had the chance to meet every person behind me today, but I loved them nonetheless. They are my family, just as you are my family. Nothing will ever replace the void that these people have left behind." It was the truth. Sophie would have wanted that, if it had been Thaddeus, or any of the others she loved. She wouldn't have wanted pretty words dancing through her ears, lies about how someday, things will get better. In that moment things were not okay, things were not better.