𝐂.𝐑.𝐄.𝐀.𝐌. | 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐄𝐃

𝟲.𝟬𝟬 | 💰

𝐂.𝐑.𝐄.𝐀.𝐌.
𝚔𝚑𝚊́𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚢 𝚜𝚢𝚡 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚝𝚏𝚒𝚎𝚕𝚍
- 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚠 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚝, 𝚌𝚊 -

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I walked around the area filled with cars, greeting people with a smile as they mingled and interacted with each other.

We were all outside, days after Kari's death. Not here to dwell on his death but to celebrate his life.

De'Kari lived. He experienced happiness, but he deserved more. So much more and I wasn't able to make sure he got that.

I was trying to stay strong, knowing that he would have wanted me to be. I couldn't let them see me broken.

"Have you eaten?" Jonai asked, a look of sympathy written over her face as she tried to offer me items from her plate.

"No."

"You should ea-"

"I'm not hungry." I cut her off as I forced a smile onto my face, placing my hand on hers as if I was trying to convince her.

"Are you sure you okay?"

"Of course."

I tried to make myself believe those words when I really wasn't okay. I would never be okay.

The love of my life. Gone. Just like that.

"Khániny, come here baby!" I excused myself as Quincy's mom called me over to the table she sat at with a few of her friends.

"Yes ma'am?"

"Can you get a few of them burners and a few glasses out of the house?" She asked, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder as she tried to keep my mind off of the situation.

I smiled, nodding my head as I glanced over at the table where my friends sat listening to the music playing over the loud speakers.

Walking into the house, I searched around for the burners until I found them and went into the kitchen to get the glasses.

I could feel my throat tightening as I finally stood in a room alone, leaning against the counter and trying to calm my breathing.

De'Kari.

De'Kari.

He's dead.

It's my fault.

I bit my lip, nails digging into my flesh as I clenched my hand around my wrist while looking out of the window in the kitchen trying to stop myself from crying.

I felt myself losing control of my emotions, reaching into the cabinet and grabbing two glasses before moving to the sink so that I could rinse them.

The piano in the song playing loudly on the speakers, the sound traveling into the house.

I used to pray for times like this to rhyme like this.

So I had to grind like that to shine like this.

I could see Quincy, Jalen, and Quan rapping along to the song from where I stood looking out of the window. Thinking back to all of the times I saw them rapping along to the song with De'Kari.

My De'Kari. He had dreams, he had a plan. He was going to be successful. He deserved his happiness.

My thoughts were overbearing now, salty tears pooling in my eyes as I still tried to fight them back so that it wouldn't seem as real to me.

I tried and I tried until it happened.

I broke.

𝐂.𝐑.𝐄.𝐀.𝐌.
𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚢𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚢𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚘𝚡
- 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚠 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚝, 𝚌𝚊 -

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"Where Khániny went?" I asked Jonai, looking around at all of the people outside trying to spot her yellow hair amongst the crowd.

"I think she went in the house. She been in there for a while though." We shared a look, both sighing before deciding to make our way towards the house.

"You think she okay?"

"No." I answered honestly, leading Jonai to the house when I heard the song change. "He loved this song."

I pulled the screen door open before hearing the sound of glass breaking inside of the house causing me to rush towards the kitchen.

My heart broke as I saw Khan looking down at the glass, hugging herself as she began to sob loudly before slowly sinking to the floor.

I moved forward, avoiding the glass so that I could catch her in my arms and lead her away from the sharp pieces that were broken on the hardwood floors.

"It hurts so bad. I can't breathe." She choked out, shaking in my arms while violent sobs erupted from her mouth.

Tears built up in my eyes as I held her close to my chest, not being able to stop her pain.

She was supposed to be happy. She didn't deserve to hurt like this.