Surreptitious

Chapter 20: Primeval Hunger

The words on the pages before Josie’s eyes blended into a swirl of incomprehensible marks and signs as she struggled to maintain focus. She was on a study period in the library, but needless to say, there was not much studying going on.

How could she concentrate on her advanced spellcasting when she couldn’t get a certain tribrid out of her mind?

Josie’s cheeks burned as she thought about the intense kisses that they shared in the woods a few evenings prior. Nothing in her life had ever felt so right and so absolutely mind-blowing as when she had her lips firmly connected to Hope Mikaelson’s – even Penelope and Landon became nothing but mere specks in her memory in comparison. When they had connected in the way they did in that moment, it felt as if nothing could ever drive them apart again. In fact, she felt like she would mindlessly tear apart anyone who even tried. She knew Hope was not her possession and never would be, but goddamn – she felt possessive over her in such a heated moment like that. She felt like Hope Mikaelson simply belonged to her, by order of the universe and all existence.

And then she received the cold shoulder from the tribrid all week thus far.

She felt embarrassed. She felt ashamed. She felt foolish. Could it really only have been her that felt those things? She couldn’t imagine feeling such mystical passion and not having it go both ways. It simply wasn’t possible – it was just too much emotion for one person to bear.

But what if it was just in her head and only in her heart? What if Hope was now avoiding her because she really didn’t feel the same? The possibility was incredibly hard to swallow, but Josie knew it still existed. So, whenever she saw Hope, she’d keep her distance and allow the tribrid the opportunity to approach whenever she felt comfortable doing so.

But she didn’t. In fact, whenever she saw Josie, she seemed too eager to just run in the opposite direction. This caused Josie to feel hurt, and more than that – she felt abandoned.

Josie was still terrified at what was happening to her and if she ever needed anyone at a specific time in her life, it would be right now and it would be Hope. Hope was the closest person to understanding what she might be going through and how she might be feeling. The full moon was rapidly approaching and Josie knew it was only a matter of time – if things continued on their current trajectory – before she shifted into a wolf completely. She knew she would be lost without Hope. She instinctively knew that she needed Hope by her side more than anything.

Yet she could not shake the feeling that she was making a fool of herself. Her displays towards Hope were embarrassing to say the least. How could she expect the older girl to stick by her and help her see things through when she was having emotional outbursts around every corner? First, she scolded Hope, called her a disobedient dog, then she basically attacked her with her mouth up against a tree, and then she doesn’t speak to her for days! Maybe it really was her fault that Hope was not attempting to approach her. How could she blame Hope for keeping her distance when she was being such a spazz?

Not to mention the humiliation of her losing control whenever she came near Hope! When they encountered each other in the dining hall the one morning over breakfast, she thought that she might shift right then and there. The tug she felt inside her chest to be enveloped by and to engulf Hope’s wolf was excruciatingly overwhelming. The wolf-presence evolving within her was completely magnetized to Hope’s wolf, which there was absolutely no denying.

She had never seen her own eyes aglow, but she could feel them in that moment and knew that they were shining brightly, just like Hope’s.

Which, of course, only aided in making her feel like more of a freak as this happened in front of everyone. All she could do was pray that no one had noticed other than Hope. She couldn’t deal with being ostracized on top of everything else.