See In Him

18

  Luka and Kaia left around nine. Aja went to bed soon after, leaving Micheal to lock himself in his office, Jesse to watch television downstairs, and Kennith to jerk off in his room. It was more out of boredom than anything else, but once he got started, the images flickering behind his eyelids certainly did not lack excitement. Most of them were created by his imagination, what he thought Jesse might look like. Other images consisted of Luka. Kennith also imagined his voice; it was soothing and erotic.

  Ultimately, he orgasmed with the thought of Jesse's supposed tattoo.

  He laid on his bed when it was over, spent of energy and breath. He could hear the television over the heartbeat in his ears. His pile of tissues sat close. A small smile warmed his face. After a few minutes, he decided that he wasn't tired and stood, staggering. He pulled a blanket around his shoulders since he was only wearing sweat pants and exited his bedroom.

  The stairs proved to be difficult that night; he slipped on the third step from the top and just barely caught himself. The only sound he made was an alarmed hum before he stabilized and continued. His doctor had once suggested that his problem with stairs may have something to do with vertigo, but they couldn't be sure.

  "Hey," Jesse greeted, turning down the television when he noticed Kennith enter the living room. "What are you watching?" the boy asked. "Just a crime show," Jesse replied. Kennith sat opposite him on the couch, tugging his blanket closer. "It's kinda boring," he added. "Oh," Kennith mumbled, his knees pulled up to his chest.

  "Are you not tired?" the man asked. He expected Kennith to be asleep or silently reading for the next few hours, not interested at all in television. "No... can I ask a question about Barlow?" Kennith replied.

  "Mhm?"

  "Do you want to go back to see him?"

  "Yeah. Some day, I guess. I sometimes wonder if he misses me."

  "I think he does. But you would go back? To see him?"

  "Why do you ask?" Jesse's voice was still innocent and curious.

  "I want to meet your horse. I wanna go visit your farm, the one in Kentucky," the boy admitted, scratching his head. He was excited to see the animals that gave Jesse his magical personality. But Jesse didn't give him the eager response he expected. Instead, Jesse's answer was curt, "Nah."

  "...Why? Barlow is getting old. You said it yourself, and—"

  But Jesse cut him off, startling the boy. "No. I'm not going back. Drop the fucking subject." His voice was stern and extremely frustrated, so unlike how Jesse had ever spoken to him before. Why was he so angry at Kennith? What did he do? As far as he could tell, his question never warranted such a reaction.

  Kennith instinctively snapped back with, "Fuck you too, then, " and stood from the couch. He felt betrayed by Jesse's harsh words; he knew he didn't deserve them, but he didn't know what else to say. A hole ripped up his chest in that moment. Jesse didn't try to apologize when the boy turned away, so Kennith continued, stomping up the stairs with his blanket still around his shoulders. It wasn't comforting anymore.

——

  Morning brought the end of Kennith's Star Wars novel. He was thirsting for more after the last page. It frustrated him. He wanted to see Lucia again.

  It was a Saturday, so he had missed many chances to see her at school in the days before, but he decided to catch her first thing Monday morning.

  Downstairs, the house was filled with bright, morning light that blinded him completely. He found his sunglasses instead of returning to his dim bedroom. His father was making coffee in the kitchen; Kennith could hear his spoon against his mug.