Her not so fortuitous Love

Chapter # 10

Jessica POV:-

My lips formed a thin line as unwanted thought caused havoc in my mind, the chaos which is so quiet but still held a thundering sound in it which is picking my soul miserably and no matter how much I want to run away from this upheaval, I cannot. It's like, the more I try to isolate myself from it, the more I get dragged back in here just be torn apart. I pulled hairs in frustration because this affliction is too much for me to bear and before it can make me lose my senses I have to let this agony out before it could eat me up.

I got out and took a cold shower to let this feeling out but every drop of water falling on my face is making me even more pathetic. I held my tears back and walked out.

I wore a simple black off shoulder frock which is above my knees and a black tights with black kitten heels and secure my hairs in a half bun.

I went to the party at Melissa's place. I walked inside as she ran towards me and engulfed me in a hug.

"Oh Jessica, I cannot tell you how happy I am." She beamed. I passed her a faint smile and rubbed her back.

"Congratulations." I said and pulled away feeling slightly awkward.

"Thanks!" She chirped. I lowered my gaze and turned. She held my arm and asked, "By the way, you know where is Aiden? I called him but he is not here."

"How would I know that?" I asked coldly.

"Oh, I thought you know." She said sadly. I held her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"He'll be here soon. Don't worry." I said with a feeble smile. She smile back and turned to her other friends.

I went to the bar and took a tequila shot. I bit my lips and held my envy and hatred inside me. Don't, she has no fault. I closed my eyes and took another shot. My mind is clouded with ultimate grief, I never knew it would so damn hard to leave behind the person you love, to leave behind the feelings you treasure deeply.

"Hey!" Katie came and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. I passed her a smile and took another shot.

"I told you to explore your feelings before it's too late. Now, tell me , what do you feel?" She asked looking at me intently. I continued to look down for a while and bit my lips to contain my feelings inside me and not let out my sobs.

"Hey, I am talking to you girl." She said letting me go and moving beside me. My grip on the glass tightened as I swallowed the lump in my throat to not burst my feelings. Please Lord, give me courage to prevail this tribulation. I never want to fall in love again, it's such a ravaging feeling. It is killing me from inside and I know if Katie push me further, I'll break apart.

"Hey, What are you guys doing?" Great! Even Lucy came now.

"Just asking what she felt about Aiden." Katie said. I inhaled deeply and looked at them infuriated.

"You want to know what I feel?" I asked- hissed. They nodded innocently and I don't know what took over me as I lost my senses in my anguish and let it blind.

I was never like this before, you just made me do things I never imagined to do, Aiden.

I took a glass of juice from the counter and walked towards Melissa. She was talking to someone. I put my hand on her shoulder as she turned to me. I narrowed my eyes on her and put my hand above her head and poured the drink over her head. Gaining everyone's attention and gasping sound soon filled the hall. Melissa closed her eyes and before she could open them, someone pulled me out of the party.

I stood outside her house and turned to see the person who dragged me out.I saw Aiden looking at me with a glint of disappointment and intense rage. I gave him a cold look and felt a little tipsy. He let go of my arms and pushed me. My eyes flicker with an intense look of suffering he made me go through and all those emotions I was trying so hard to bury inside me but couldn't. He gave me a seething look and began to shout at me,

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO IT!? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!? JUST WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!? YOU ARE ONE WHO TOLD ME THAT WE FINE AND THERE'S NO NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT. EVERYTHING WAS CLEAR BETWEEN US THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!? WHO PERSON DOES THAT? JUST GO INSIDE AND APOLOGIZE TO HER RIGHT NOW!" His voice sent shivers down my spine but I didn't care as I continued to give him a cold look for a second but then I narrowed my eyes at him. A tear rolled on my cheek followed by a stream of them as all my facade I was trying so hard to maintain broke and tears spilled out showing how vulnerable I have become and how much torment he is making me through as I began to yell,

"NOTHING IS CLEAR BETWEEN US! EVER SINCE THAT MOMENT, I HAVE FELT NOTHING BUT EXTREME AGONY THAT IS KILLING ME FROM INSIDE! NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY TO HIDE THE FATAL WOUND OF BEING REJECTED BY YOU BEHIND MY SMILE, I CAN'T!" I burst into tears and fell on the ground letting out all those emotions that are killing me from inside. That is filling my mind with never ending anxiety. I let out loud sobs and began to say between the cries,

"Who does that?.. I do that... She asked you and you agreed, do you.. really love her that much? ... Doesn't my thought never cross your mind?.. Do you even think of me as anything more than a mere friend?.. For a second.. don't you think that love doesn't need people to be common to understand each other and dedicate themselves to each other?... Can't you feel anything for me?.." I then let out an empty laugh and looked up only to see him looking down with his exquisite eyes glimmering in shame and penitence which cannot affect me anymore. I wiped my tears and stood up and began to speak with venom laced in my voice,

"How would you know? Being so practical, you need to think who can live up to your standards. Not a girl like me who lives in joy and being so happy-go-lucky. Why would you love me? Having everything, why do you need a partner like in anyways." I scoffed. He looked up in disbelief and opened his mouth to say something but I walked closed and point my finger at his heart and continued,

"You cannot love. Congratulations to you Aiden Lennard and your practical girlfriend." I wiped the last tear that rolled on my cheek and looked at him dead in the eyes and he said,

"What's done is done, if you feel anything for me, apologize to Melissa." His words pricked my heart.

"I wish I never loved you." I said gritting my teeth. His messy hairs fell on his face hiding it but the anguish was clear upon hearing my words which is so hard to bear. That's what I felt. A tear fell from his eyes to my hand and I let out a scowl and took a step back.

I walked inside and formed a fake smile. I walked to Melissa who was standing there still stunned and angry. I walked towards her with my smile and said,

"I apologized. I will not cause any trouble from now on." I said and walked out with the feeling of my heart being torn into million pieces but at the same time, I left my heart where he was standing, outside her house astonished and devastated. I closed my eyes and let my heart sink in the deepest depths of despair as I walked past him. Away from him and all those things which have become too much for me...

You were my moon; igniting my dark sky. Now, clouds come and hide you filling my world with nothing but darkness..