Sin City Adventures (A Zak Bagans FanFic)

Chapter 20: The Ugly Truth

"You have to tell him at some point, Shawn." Kelsey tells me as she drives me to the pharmacy to pick up my medication. I stay silent and let out a long sigh as a single tear slowly rolls down my cheek. "It's only fair."

"Yeah, I know," I sniff.

"So, what exactly is this medication you're getting?"

"Oh, I don't even know. Basically, it's just supposed to help me not feel so shitty all the time."

"If you actually take them," Kelsey jokes knowing that I'm really bad at taking medications. Meaning, I don't take them when I'm supposed to. I hated taking pills. Most of my young adult life was revolved around taking pill, after pill, after pill, and I was done. Getting diagnosed with leukemia at 25 years old completely changes your world and I just wanted mine to go back to how it was before I crossed paths with the dreaded "c" word. But, Kelsey was right. I had to tell Zak especially before another incident happens again, or worse.

"So, what should I say?" I ask glancing over at Kelsey as she grips tightly to the steering wheel.

"For what?"

"To Zak. How should I tell him?"

"What do you mean? You just do it. There's no way around telling someone you have cancer. You just say it."

"Yeah, I guess." I sigh heavily and stare out the car window at the bright stars above the trees. We finally get to the pharmacy and pick up my medication. Of course, I get all the pity looks from the pharmacy employees as they know what type of medication I'm getting. Those are the looks I've had from people from day one of being diagnosed. It's the 'I'm so sorry you're eventually gonna die' look and I was tired of looking at them. I pay with my card as quickly as the machine will allow and I rush back to Kelsey patiently waiting in her car.

"Got what you needed?" She asks a little too cheerfully looking at my cancer pill bag.

"Yeah, let's go."

"Where?"

"Do you mind just taking me back to Zak's? I honestly just want to be in his arms right now and sleep" I tap on my phone to check the time and see 9:30pm. Yup, definitely want to sleep.

"Shawn, you can really be such a sop, you know that, right?"

I giggle and show my side smile before ripping open the bag the pharmacist stapled together with my medication inside. I stare at the bottle and a tear falls down my cheek. So, I guess this is it. Back to taking pills every day. At least it was just this one and not a bajillion like I had been used to. Once my body started rejecting all the other treatment when I was 27 I had decided for myself no more medication, but I suppose absolutely no medication wasn't possible for someone with cancer. I slip the pill bottle into my pocket and continue to stare at the stationary stars.

Kelsey pulls out of the parking space and it's a silent ride back to Zak's. I thank her when she pulls into his driveway and wave to her goodbye when I get to the front door. Zak opens the door before I have a chance to knock. "I heard a car door. I hoped it was you."

"Here I am," I say quickly with my head down trying to hide the fact that all my eyes want to do is open the flood gates and just cry. After all these times I've spent with Zak, he knows me almost better than I know myself.

"Shawn?" Zak gently lifts my chin with his finger and stares deeply into my eyes. His dark blue, green eyes instantly engulf me in a trance taking away my ability to speak. Instead, tears run down my cheeks and Zak pulls me into his tight grip. I can't leave this man. The thought of my time on this earth running out terrifies me.

Before I know it I find myself on his couch in the living room. I don't even remember walking there, but Zak never lets me go. I cry heavily into his shoulder making a wet spot darker than his black t-shirt if that's even possible. "Please talk to me." Zak pleads. "Why are you so upset?" I try to get my composure back and lift my head off of his shoulder. I sniff in a big breath and sigh. Now's my chance. Do I tell him now? Better now than if he were to find out by finding my pills or through another source. I had to.

I had to tell him.

Now.

I look deeply into his beautiful eyes and attempt to speak. It was as if my voice was stripped from my body and everything was in slow motion. I take another big breath and try again. "Zak." I manage to say.

"Yes, babe?"

"I..."

"What?"

"I...love you."

Zak chuckles and kisses my forehead, "I love you, too, but I know there's something else you wanted to say." Zak raises his eyebrows waiting for my response.

"Nope. That's it," I sigh again. "All I wanted to say is that I love you and I love you a whole lot." I can tell Zak forces a smile. I just can't do it. Not yet. "Can we go to sleep now?"

Zak nods, "let's go." He helps me to his room and I pull over one of his t-shirts and slip off my jeans. I snuggle under his comforter while Zak slides into bed next to me. It doesn't take me long at all to fall sleep.

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Zak's POV

I wake up before Shawn does slowly pulling the covers off of me as to not wake her. I was so worried about her last night and still am. There was something else she was going to tell me, I know it. There's was a reason that she was so upset and I was going to find out. Tomorrow is our trip to The Hill View Manor and I had to make sure she was going to be okay to investigate.

I trip over Shawn's jeans on my way to the bathroom and hear a strange rattling sound. I pick up her jeans and feel something round in the front pocket. It's a medication bottle. "What the hell?" I whisper to myself. I didn't know she was taking pills. I wonder what they were for. Is this was she was trying to tell me about last night? So many horrific scenarios went through my head. Just ask her, Zak. I stare at the bottle. "Imatinib". Never heard of it, I think. I look back at Shawn cuddled up so cute in my bed. I can't help but smile when I look at her, but I just want to know what this medication is. I decide to go to my home office and look it up and I couldn't believe what I was reading. It's a medication used to slow the progression of leukemia. "Cancer?" I ask myself aloud. My breathing gets faster and faster and I feel my eyes well up with tears. Why wouldn't she tell me?

This can't be happening