Confronting Fear

Thoughts

"So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'Cause I'm so much more than meets the eye"

Breakdown- Seether

Some part of her mind registered what was happening. Another part was trying to figure out how to react. The rest was spinning in circles around itself, no thought able to truly take hold.

Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, was holding her. For some reason she couldn't place, this made her sob even harder. He had comforted her in the night, but this was different. He was really here, not just a projection. The heat from his body chased away the chill that had settled over her. She numbly realized that he had lifted her and was carrying her like a bride, his bride, to the long sofa on the other side of the room. He slowly sat down in the corner with her still in his arms. He carefully removed the arm that supported her knees so that her legs were outstretched along the length of the sofa. He used his now free hand to gather the corner of his cape - she had removed her own when they had arrived back from the meeting- laying it over them like a blanket, using that same hand to support her shoulder, pulling her against his broad chest. Rey stretched out her arms to circle him, pulling herself as close to him as she could, his heartbeat thumping steadily in her ear. She clung to him like her life depended on it.

If someone were ever to ask him what possessed him to put himself in this situation, he would be never able to answer. He had watched her step away, watched her shiver and shake as she sobbed. She was cold.

Kylo didn't want her to be cold, to be alone as he once had been. He was reminded of the night his parents had left him in Luke's care. He had sat on his bed shaking, silently wishing for his parents to return, wishing someone would come warm him.

He thought of the memories he had seen in Rey's mind, her loneliness and longing for the parents that had left her. The nights she shivered, unwanted in the cold desert.

He couldn't let her feel that way. He'd promised her she wasn't alone. He needed to keep it. He needed to be for her what no one had ever been for either of them. He needed to be there.

That was how he had come to find himself with a woman in his lap, crying into his shoulder while he held her, his cape wrapping them together in a cosmos all their own.

After what could have been hours or minutes or days, Kylo felt her tears dry up. His heart caught in his chest as she tilted back, her eyes making contact with his. They were wide and bloodshot and lovely. She moved away slightly, as though to move from his lap but he couldn't allow it. He needed her here.

His eyes never left hers as she slowly began to trace the scar along his cheek. She shifted just slightly in his lap so her face was almost leve with his. Once her fingertips reached his jaw she continued to trace his jaw line. He forgot to breathe when she reached his lips.

He carefully placed his hands at the small of her back, pulling her even closer, his eyes completely level with hers. He didn't think about it, didn't even know he was going to do it until after it happened. His eyes wandered down to her lips and in an instant, he struck. He felt her tense up and then relax as his lips took hers as his own, claiming another part of her for himself.

If he was surprised at himself for his boldness he was even more surprised at hers. She returned his kiss, reaching up to tangle her fingers in his hair, causing him to groan slightly. That seemed to be the reaction she wanted as she took advantage of his slightly open mouth, sliding her tongue along the edge of his bottom lip. He felt himself growing hard in response to the intimate action. Damn, if she notices she might pull away and he could think of no worse fate. He shifted his weight so that Rey's arms around his neck were bearing most of her weight, which meant less of her in his lap. Kylo could feel her Force as the edges of it merged with his, connecting their minds.

Rey couldn't breathe and she didn't care. She could feel Kylo's excitement as their Forces mingled, his presence burning in her mind. Her senses were being overwhelmed. She wasn't sure what she was doing, or why. She only knew that it felt right. It was what she was supposed to be doing, wasn't it?

Guilt came crashing down on her. What was she was doing? No, no, no, this was all wrong. She was betraying her friends, the Resistance, Poe.

It was then that Kylo pulled away, the rage in his eyes matched the rage in his Force. She realized he had caught her thinking about Poe. Rey scuttled off his lap, suddenly afraid. He didn't say anything. He stood and walked to the door, his aura a tornado of rage, betrayal, and hurt. She caused this. "Kylo, wait, please." He didn't respond as he punched the code to the door and left.

Rey brought her knees to her chest, more alone than ever.

Kylo barely made it to his training room before his rage unleashed itself physically. He activated his saber and tore through everything in his path with a roar that would have made the bravest men wither. How.Could.She? She was supposed to be different, she was his. He felt her trying to connect through the bond but he shut her out.

So it was the pilot. His death would not be quick, Kylo silently vowed. He would shred his mind from within, a slow torture worse than anything physical. He should know, Snoke had done it to him often enough.

At the thought of Snoke, Kylo's rage reignited. He dropped the saber and began punching the walls, the pain in his hands grounding him.

An hour later, Ren left the trashed room, his anger momentarily extinguished. It was replaced by a deep hurt and sense of betrayal. He felt Rey reaching again. He spoke through the bond, We're leaving for Mustafar in 4 hours. Be ready, then closing it off again.