NEW GIRL

S1 : ep 1 : pilot

"So, you know in horror movies when the girls are like "Oh my god, there's something in the basement. Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on in the dark", and you're like "what is your problem? Call the police", and she's like "okay" but it's too late because she's already getting murdered. Well, er, my story's kind of like that." The girl who's name was jess explained to nick, Schmidt, coach and y/n as they looked on at her in confusion.

"This girl is a nutcase" Y/n whispered to nick who slowly nodded in agreement. Jess began telling her mini sob story about how her boyfriend of 6 years cheated on her and that's why she needed a new place to live. Y/n felt sorry for the girl as she had been in the exact same place almost 4 years ago and that's how she ended up living with the three boys.

The four of them looked on at jess in shock before Nick piped up "Do you have any pets?" Y/n quickly shoved her elbow into nicks ribs while he muttered a small ow.

"You know what's funny? When I saw your add on Craigslist, I thought you were all women." Jess said as she ignored nicks question.

Y/n, Nick and Coach all smiled while schmidt turned serious.

"Why would you think that? That's crazy. I mean, what-" Schmidt began to question, obviously offended that jess would think that the add he wrote sounded like a girl had done it.

Y/n laughed in Schmidt's face before he jumped on top of her

"Y/N SHUT UP I SWEAR TO GOD" he exclaimed while sitting on top of the girl while she laughed like a maniac.

"Schmidt wrote the add" nick jumped in before schmidt smacked nick upside the head. Schmidt slowly climbed off y/n before composing himself.

"Oh, If anything I would have thought that you wrote the add" she said while pointed straight at y/n. The four just looked at eachother before bursting out laughing.

"Y/n?? Girly?!? HAHAHAHAHA" coach exclaimed before smacking his knee.

"Yeah I'm gonna be completely honest here jess, girl stuff is not my thing. No problem with it but after living with these guys for like four years I forgot what it's like to be a "true" girl" she replied using air quotes on the "true".

" guess it was something about the words you used. It was like, er, like "sun-soaked" and "beigey". She spoke again looking at Schmidt.

The three burst out laughing again before Schmidt decides to take his top off.

"Oh my god what are you doing?" Nick remarked.

"Wow" coach muttered.

"Really schmidt? I'm so sorry" y/n whispered to the girl.

"What about these? These look beigey to you?" Schmidt announced before flexing his pecks.

"I'm his trainer so, er, it's kind of the house that coach built right here." Coach declared before rubbing Schmidt's abbs.

"What are we looking at here? That's baby smooth." Nick added on. Y/n just shook her head and leaned back in the couch.

"This is LLS. Ladies Love Schmidt." He declared while again flexing his muscles.

"ewwww schmidt come on man" y/n exclaimed slapping Schmidt upside the head like he had done to nick previously.

"Go put a dollar in the jar right now." Coach responded pointing at the douche bag jar.

"Are you serious?" Schmidt whined.

"Yeah! Now." Coach affirmed.

"Dammit" Schmidt muttered as he got up to place a dollar in the jar.