NEW GIRL

s1 : ep3 : wedding

The gang (plus Matt) entered the foyer of the wedding. Winston and Schmidt immediately began mooching around.

"Wanna know one of my beauty secrets? The only way I could fit in this dress was by wearing little girls' bicycle shorts underneath, they are tight! I will not be peeing tonight. Oh my god, bubbles...." Jess waffled on before trying to run over to the bubbles.

"I mean, amen to the bicycle shorts part" Y/n said, raising her clutch in the air.

"No, no, no, no, Jess, no bubbles, no bubbles, please!" Nick whined as he clutched onto the girls arm, leading her away from the bubbles.

"Hoohoo, a lot of big game here tonight, yoohoohoo." Schmidt whistled before his eye caught a blonde sitting at the bar. "Oh, oh there's Brooke."

"Who's Brooke?" Jess asked.

"He's been into her, since freshman year. She used to get drunk and pass out on our front porch. It was like having a hot, alcoholic cat." Nick stated.

Y/n burst out laughing and had to hold onto Nick's arm to avoid falling over. She quickly caught Matt's eye, who was giving her the dirtiest glare he could muster. She quickly stood up straight and wiped the tears out of her eyes.
Nick looked over at the girl to make sure she was okay but only caught Matt staring him down.

"I'd always leave water out for her. Okay, tonight just got real. She's go on top of the 'kill list'." Schmidt explained.

"Is that because you're going to attempt to kill her by having sex with her?" Jess asked.

"More or less, yeah."

"I mean she is one piece of fine ass" Matt observed. Y/n rolled her eyes and excused herself to go get a drink.

"Oh, Schmidt, one day you're gonna kill the nicest girl." Jess observed.

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In the garden, Jess was doing Nick's tie while Y/n is talking with Schmidt.

"He's such a dick, I'm just trying to get today over with and then I'll break up with him" Y/n shrugged as she leaned into Schmidt's side, watching Matt flirt with some other girl.

"I know that you know that you can do so much better.... but seriously how have you been going out this long?" Schmidt questioned as he rubbed the girls arm.

"I don't know......."

"Is it because he's hot?"

"Maybe....."

"Listen, Schmidt here will tell you... if you ever just wanna have amazing, mind blowing, earth shattering sex... I'm here for you" He stated with a teasing look in his eyes.

Y/n burst out laughing causing the other guests occupying the garden to turn and look at the pair who were currently laughing like maniacs.

"Thank you Schmidt, I will definitely be taking you up on that offer" Y/n laughed.

Schmidt pulled Y/n into a hug and rested his head on top of hers.

"I'm here if you need me to kill him." He said wholeheartedly. "You ready to go sit with Jess and Nick?"

"Yeah sure." She agreed.

Schmidt and Y/n waltzed over to Nick and Jess before someone caught Schmidt's eye.

"Oh no, no, not tonight, no!" Schmidt cried.

"Who is that?" Jess questioned looking over at the girl Schmidt was hiding from.

"It's Gretchen Nelson, she's a terrible person. We can't stand each other, at every wedding we end up having sex." Schmidt admitted as his mind flashed back to the last wedding.