NEW GIRL

s1 : ep1 : pilot

"gotta go, mom. No, I'm not watching Dirty Dancing." jess said into her phone as nick and y/n entered the apartment.

"No, I don't think so. Hey, are you gonna murder me 'cause you're strangers I met on the internet?" jess asked the pair.

"Yes, we are" nick replied to the girl as he sat down on the coach and pulled y/n under his arm. she laughed before jess began speaking again.

"they said no." she said as the door slammed. schmidt and coach had just done a work out and were all sweaty.

"No, look, I gotta go, okay? Alright, love you. Bye." jess spoke into the phone before hanging up.

"So the Wild West party's on Saturday. I'm trying to get us in but you may need to call Caroline." schmidt announced as he turned to face the nick who still had y/n under his arm.

"I'm not calling Caroline." nick quickly deflected.

"i actually can't believe you schmidt, you're such an ass" y/n remarked before pulling herself deeper in nicks arm.

"Hear me out." schmidt asked before nick put his hand over schmidt's mouth.

jess was singing along to dirty dancing while crying.

"We are in this situation because of you." nick said to schmidt whole pointing at jess.

"I hate your face, Spencer, I love you!" jess yelled as she punched the cushions. y/n's eyes went wide as she looked at jess.

"It has been a week of this madness. I am going crazy, Schmidt, I can't take it." nick exclaimed.

"You know what? I got this." coach announced as he rose from the couch and sat on the coffee table opposite jess.

"Hi, Coach." jess said meekly.

"Stop it. Stop!" coach yelled at the poor girl who began crying harder than before.

"chill out man!" y/n yelled.

"Schmidt!" coach yelled again before getting off the coffee table.

"Okay. Alright. I got us into this, I'm gonna get us out. Jess, I'm gonna take the remote. Alright. Alright, hey, Jess. How you doing? You look fantastic. Listen, what if you came out with us tonight? You know after work. You know, we'll fix you up, we'll take you out. We'll get you a rebound." schmidt asked the girl.

"A rebound?" she questioned while looking around at the gang.

"Yeah."

"I don't know if I'm ready." she said while picking her fingernails.

"come on jess it'll be fun! i promise"
y/n said to the poor girl in hopes that she'd leave the house.

"You're totally ready for it, I'll take you through the whole thing. You know, I'll be like your guide!" schmidt pronounced.

"Like Gandalf through Middle-earth?" she asked. y/n shook her head while whispering "she's hopeless" to nick who just shoved her in her ribs quietly telling her to be nice.

"Probably not like...okay, first of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references, let's put 'em in a deep, dark cave, okay, where no one's gonna find them, ever." schmidt told the girl. For once y/n agreed with the man.

"Except Smeagol, he lives in a cave." she announced to the group. y/n slowly put her head in her hands.

"You know what, Jess? Come on. Let's just take the head off the couch. Come on. Sit up, girl. Look at that, doesn't that feel good? There we go." schmidt commented trying his best to get jess up and off the couch.

"I think that sounds nice." she said before she burst into song yet again. "She's going out to find a rebound. Who's that girl? It's Jess!"

"did- did you just make up a theme song for yourself?" y/n questioned the strange girl.

schmidt hesitated for a bit before saying "Imma...Imma fix it."

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