The Therapist.{Billie Eilish} G!P

Sixteen

Tw: mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts and mental instability.

Billie's POV:

***

I take a deep breath trying to steady my thoughts and put them into words. I feel Violetta squeeze my hand, she makes me feel safe.

"V, you aren't just my therapist anymore" I tell her.

"I know" she whispers, understanding the weight of our words. I still need to voice it, allowing her to make the decision going forth.

"Any other doctor I can tell my story to and then I get to leave for the day and don't have to worry about what they think of me... but with you.." I try not to be a pussy and cry.

"Hey..." her gentle voice pulls me back to reality as I look at her face.

"I'm not going to leave you, whatever gets said In here, this is a safe space" I relax at her words.

She is amazing.

"Okay" I start again.

"There was an.. episode.. the day I met you" she nods allowing me to continue, her hand never letting mine go.

"It's like I flicked a switch. Everything that had been happening in my life lead to this one day. We were all in a meeting discussing interviews, tour, merch, the visuals for tour and so on. It was really overwhelming and I couldn't take it anymore. I kept asking everyone to stop but I don't know if they didn't hear me or if they just didn't care, but they kept talking over me and I snapped" I said giving a small shrug.

"How did you snap" Vi asks.

"I started yelling at them, then I kinda blacked out. When I awoke, there were papers all over the room and chairs flipped, glass broken" I feel tears start to form, reliving the moment.

"They all looked so.. scared of me. Like I had turned into a monster or something" a tear spills down my cheek.

I feel her soft hand wipe it away.

"Next thing I know, zack is telling me I have an appointment with you and I don't remember anything again until I barged through your office door" my tears now down both sides of my face.

Violetta starts to lean forward to console me but I push her gently. She needs to know all of it, or as much as I willing to give for today.

"Baby, wait, there's more" I tell her.

"Are you sure you want to continue Bil" her voice calm and gentle.

I bite my lip nodding. As much as I feel vulnerable I also feel like it's weighing me down.

"Just a little more" I tell her barely above a whisper.

She readjusts herself and nods for me to continue.

"The night before that day, I- " I stutter not being able to speak the words I am thinking. I've never said it out loud before, I don't even tell my family or friends this side of my life.

Violetta's thumb runs across my hand again, I look up from where my eyes were on my lap, and all I see is comfort. Her gorgeous green eyes looking back at me with such softness and kindness, I am in love with her. Completely.

I gather my mind back to this moment, finishing what I started.

"I tried to hurt myself..more than I had in the past" I choke out.

"You tried to hurt yourself? Tried, or did Bil?" She asks, in a tone that sounds like she is afraid to know my answer.

"I did" I bite my cheek, holding back tears yet again.

"Billie.." she starts but I cut her off.

"I wanted the pain to be over, I had cut myself before but I wanted this time to be.. the last time I saw my blood pool on the bathroom floor" I get my words out staying strong, but I can't say the same for my girlfriend.

I see her bottom lip quiver, she is trying so hard not to cry. I'm unsure if it's the fact there are cameras everywhere or if she is trying to stay strong for me, but either way that's enough.

I stand up wordlessly, waiting for her to follow my actions. She slips on her heels and picks up her bag and belongs.

There is nothing I want more than to grab her hand and reassure, but it's going to have to wait until we aren't being watched.

I open the door and walk the few extra steps down the corridor until I reach the bathroom. I step inside holding it open for Vi, making sure there is no body in here before turning the lock on the main door.

I hear a thump and I turn around to see her bag and notepad strewn on the floor, her hands trembling over her mouth.

"Baby" I rush to her and wrap my arms around her body firmly. I hush her, rocking us back and forth until her sobs slow.

"Billie" she says trying to gain back her breath.

"Hmm" I hum in acknowledgment, pulling back from our embrace to run my thumbs over her wet cheeks.

"Do you want to die?" Her words small but looking me in the eyes.

"I did" I nod confirmation, watching the tears form in her eyes again, threatening to spill.

"But I don't anymore. I've found a reason worth living for" I lean in and capture her lips with mine. I don't need to request entrance as I feel her tongue dance with mine, our kiss getting heated as she pulls my body closer to her.

"I love you Violetta" I tell her, leaning our foreheads together.

"I am so in love with you, you saved my life the day we met. I wanted to commit suicide and I probably would have tried again if I didn't see you. I didn't want to be here anymore but you changed all of that for me" I spill my truth.

"You don't have to say any- " I try to get out but her lips are back on mine.

"I love you too" my heart jumps at her words. I can't help but smile.

We kiss again, for what feels like years. Taking in this new found confession.

***

A/N:

Short-ish chapter, sorry!