Have Hope

15

Y/N POV

Alex has been avoiding me for the past three days, and I don't know what to do. Every time I try to talk to her- hell, every time I look at her, she either ignores me, walks away, or turns to one of our teammates and talks to them. 

She's been a lot quieter since the kiss, at least, from what I gather, and non of our friends are telling me anything. I hadn't told anyone about what happened out of respect for Alex.

Well....I told one person, my aunt, but she doesn't count. The woman was practically jumping for joy and chanting "I told you so" during our entire phone call last night. She kept trying to tell me that Alex likes me as more than just friends, but I'm not so sure. It was an emotional moment, and she could have easily gotten lost in it. Whatever the case, I'm not going to make any judgments as of yet.

Tobin and Ash knew that something had happened, but I refused to tell them anything, wanting it to be Alex's full right to tell our friends if she wanted. Kelley kept smirking at me and winking, which only made me feel worse. I got the feeling she knew what happened. Alex probably told her. They are best friends after all. 

Ali, Christen, Allie, Kelley, and Pinoe have been giving me a lot of weird looks the past few days now that I think of it. I'm not sure why, but it's really starting to annoy me.

I've been pretty moody since Friday, feeling both hurt, confused, guilty, and a little angry. I get Alex is super upset about her asshat boyfriend, and I get she probably feels really awkward about the kiss, but I'd much rather have her tell me that instead of just ignoring me. 

I've been spending more of my free time with Sonnett and Rose now due to the fact that basically all the people in my friend group are glued to Alex's side. It's not like there's any beef between any of us, I guess they're all just trying to help the forward.

That's another thing that really sucks too, the fact that I haven't been able to be there for the blue eyed woman. I've wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything will be okay in the times where she showed up to practice or meal time looking upset, which was actually less often than I'd thought.

Somehow I guess Jill knows what happened, or at least that something went down, because she, along with Mark, Erica, Abel, and Dawn, have been giving me weird looks just like my friends.

I feel kind of alone right now honestly, and it sort of sucks. My Aunt is the only safe person to talk about this with because 1. I don't want to tell the team anything that Alex isn't comfortable with, and 2. I have no interest in telling my Mom. I can't handle her teasing or pity. The last time I brought a girl home was awkward as fuck, and I don't intend to go through that again. At least, not for a while.

I've been feeling really off today during practice, and it only seemed to get worse when we started our scrimmage. Alex was put on the other team like usual, and I was made co captain with Becky on my team.

The first half wasn't too bad; we had scored two goals and were in the lead. The second half was a different story though. All of a sudden, our defense was complete shit, and our front line couldn't keep the ball off of our side. I found myself having to make save after save, and it was starting to piss me off.

Our back line needed to get their shit together because right now, it felt like I was doing everything. It was Alex who was taking most of the shots, which only added to my anger.  I was able to get through the match without stabbing myself or screaming at my teammates, but I was on the edge of my patience.

My team could obviously tell something was off due to my attitude. Normally I joked around a lot and cheered on my teammates while still trying my hardest.