The Bond

Take, Oh Take

I made it halfway up the hall before Dakota caught up with me, pulling me to an urgent stop.

"Ava, you can't tell anyone." Those were the first words Dakota mouthed at me. Her grip was commanding and frantic, but her face was set into a mask of angry determination. I felt sick and panicked as she nailed me to the ground with her intense glare.

I had walked in on them kissing. From what I could tell it was a small sweet kiss, not some passionate embrace, but the situation was unchanged. Mr. Hall had been with us from the start of the year and Dakota had given no indication that she had met her mate.

He was only three years older than us, so the age wasn't a huge concern to me since we were one year from being adults. Even if her partner was our assistant teacher in English class. It was the fact that my best friend, someone I thought I truly knew was standing before me possibly as a betrayer. A stranger who might torture their soulmate for their own immediate satisfaction.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, and I desperately wanted to get some space from the girl before me wearing my best friend's face. And despite my disgust, I was a hypocrite. I had committed the very same crime with Liam just last night, and yet I could barely look at Dakota for a far more chaste kiss. Maybe it was myself I was truly revolted by.

"Ava!" Dakota shook me to elicit a response, her fingers were beginning to pinch my shoulders through my cotton t-shirt. Dakota casted an anxious look at the janitor up the hall and pulled me back towards the classroom's alcove.
I followed her mechanically because as my best friend I owed her the chance to explain herself. Also I had to come to terms with the fact that if she was guilty I couldn't judge her too harshly and continue to meet my own eyes in my reflection every morning. These acknowledgments didn't help my nausea though. With some half-way decent privacy afforded to us, I could no longer hold it in.

"Is Mr. Hall your mate?" I noticed her eyes were fixed to my hands even after I finished signing the question and I felt my stomach sour. I loved Dakota, but if she was set carrying on this relationship and he wasn't her mate, I just wasn't sure what I would do. I honestly didn't think I could handle that. I had too many scars.

Not only does society look down it, but my history as a betrayed mate would make me too sensitive to accept such a thing. Being betrayed hurt so viscerally and left me lost in a world where everyone gets found. I feared that my pain would slowly leak out and coat my relationship with Dakota in an oily tar of resentment and judgment.

Dakota gritted her teeth and her blue eyes peered at me from under her mascara coated lashes. "I don't want to tell you." Her lips begrudgingly shaped.
I had been trying for so long to appear normal in front of my friends but in this moment I felt like the curtain was about to rise and reveal how truly warped and shattered I was. Seeing something in my face, Dakota anxiously jigged in place before sighing.

"I don't have a mate." Her hands blurted impatiently.

It was the last response I expected and for a stunned moment my brain couldn't understand exactly what she was saying to me.

"What?" I stupidly signed at her. Immediately her face creased in annoyance.

"My mate died when I was a baby. Kyle lost his mate four years ago in high school. Neither of us have a match and it's hard to meet someone mate-less."
Her lips screwed into a petulant pout as I absorbed this new information.
"Why didn't you tell us?" I asked her silently in gesture.

"Because I don't need pity and you wouldn't understand anyway. I don't have to tell you everything." Dakota stood before me unrepentant, but although it hurt that she didn't want to confide in us, I did in my own way understand.

I silently regarded her as my heartrate increased. This was my opportunity to come clean to Dakota. I could tell her the truth about my mate, work my way into telling Emmie. We could be all be honest with each other and grow closer.

I had been feeling so isolated since this all started for me two years ago, and I missed the simplicity of just being normal. Maybe I would never be normal again, but I could find understanding and shed the burden of hiding my situation and episodes.

And then the pity would come, followed by their resentment that I was never happy. That my pain made them worry, but also drained them and put a damper on things that were supposed to be enjoyable. They'd feel careful talking about love around me and eventually telling them the truth would widen the cavern between us instead of closing the gaps as I had intended. I'd relieve myself of the burden, just to feel like a burden to my friends.

"I won't tell anyone." I said instead with calm hands. Dakota had a chance at love and that was good enough for me.

"Not even Emmie. You're reserved, but Emmie is a gossip. She'd never be able to play it cool." Dakota's pale hands fluently expressed her words and I couldn't help but wonder what it was like to grow up hearing sounds and pretending you were deaf.

"What's sound like?" I abruptly asked and watched her shrug in response.

"I don't know. It's something I've always known so how would I know how to describe it?"

I was slightly let down by her answer. I figured since she had always known sound, she would understand it better than even my parents. Not that I asked them corny questions like that.  My heart crooned softly for sound because it was most likely my fate to never have it. Once my mate succeeded in breaking our bond, I would spend my life deaf and wondering. The thought was a tender spot for me.

"Don't expect me to react to it either, I'm used to playing deaf." Dakota said in reference to sound.

"Look, Kyle is probably in there freaking out so I'm gonna go talk to him." Dakota tossed her blonde hair at the door and already I could see her realigning her thoughts and dismissing me mentally.

Dakota often came off as rude but in truth I believed she was just brusque and pragmatic. I held up a finger to keep her attention and slung my bag around to open it. The dress she had asked to borrow probably had something to do with Mr. Hall now that I was aware of their relationship.

Recognition flowered in Dakota's eyes as the fabric came into view. I handed the dress to her and she gave a rare smile in acceptance of it.

"Thanks." She mouthed and opened the door to go back to Mr. Hall who I would never look at quite the same way. Nothing negative, I just knew a lot more about him now.

Before Dakota shut the door behind her I impulsively called her name out vocally to see what would happen. She didn't even flinch. I couldnt imagine living with that kind of dedication, but she had said she had been doing it her whole life.
I wound my way through the school hallways feeling conflicted. On the one hand I found Dakota's revelation to be hard to comprehend, and on the other hand I felt sorry for her. I knew pity would make her defensive and I could understand that, so I mentally swore to myself that I would never show her my sympathy.

I was in a way happy for her though. Although Mr. Hall wasn't her mate, they had at least found each other. I had heard how hard it was for widowed mates to find love with another. Such relationships are said to be difficult to maintian due to their unnatural nature. Misfit couples struggling with trust and communication. Dating services did exist for widows looking for love, but from what I had heard it was easy to get scammed. It all sounded pretty bleak.

My thoughts turned towards my future as I acknowleged that any relationship I sought out would also be difficult, coupled with the judgement of my lack of hearing. Would I automatically be labeled a betrayer by ignorant people too enamored with scandalous assumptions to worry about my truth?

The sunlight made me squint as I walked through the front double doors again, feeling both heavier and lighter than before. I decided to put away my unnecessary doubts of an unknown future and instead feel hope and positively for Dakota. I felt closer to her and wished her all the best. And although I hadn't shared my own secret, I felt a little less alone.