𝒕𝒘𝒐 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆𝒔, t. kuroo ✓

eight.

EIGHTH RECORDING
0:00 ⊙━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 1:00

one more after this.

i probably shouldn't tell you this, but.. i met someone a few days ago.

a strangled sound of surprise forces itself out from the depths of his throat, narrowing his eyes unconsciously. shame and jealousy swirl an ugly and dangerous mix in the pit of his stomach. he feels himself go numb, slowly hollowed, as if your words had literally carved his heart out. and in a way, they had, but he wasn't ready to give up on you. not yet.

they're really sweet. i really like them a lot. they play volleyball, too, but they consider it a hobby of sorts. they're not really as serious as you are with it, but they enjoy it.

my friends think they're the one, but.. i don't know. i can't stop thinking about you. and— and i know it's going to damage what i already have with them, but i can't help it. every time i see them, i see you instead. i keep wishing it's you in their place. i know it's not healthy, especially when i was talking about moving on earlier, but christ, you're everywhere. your presence is deafening. i don't know if that's offensive, but i won't hold back.

they asked if i wanted to be more than friends during a call. we were doing homework via facetime and they asked me out.

he doesn't want to sound selfish. he really doesn't want to, but that's your thing. homework and facetime, when his practices run late and you're both half asleep. his lock screen is still a screenshot of your half awake state, a gentle smile upon your lips as you softly complain about the need for chemistry in later adult life just to egg him on. hurt seeps into the mix, a triplet storm of irrationality and.. and what? what's left? is there even anything left?

i said no.

a curse shakily escapes his lips, pressing his palms against his face as relief floods through him, stilling his rapidly beating heart. he releases the breath he didn't realize he was holding and sighs, but shame quickly comes back in tenfold, commencing a raging war with the relief he desperately tried to justify to himself. he wants you to be happy, no doubt, but he wants to the reason why you smile.

i.. don't know why i did. they were extremely understanding as well, and i cried in front of them. they weren't pushy, and they said they'd always put my happiness first no matter what. why didn't i say yes? i don't know. i— i don't know. i feel like i'm being tugged in two directions at the same time.

he feels terrible for being ecstatic. your voice cracks a few times as you break down over phone and he, of course, wants nothing but to have you in his arms and wipe your tears away.. but this still means he can get you back! it's an aimless game of tug - of - war with his rationally and his feelings, and your return was the prize. (unfortunately for him, your return was out of his hands.)

god, what was he thinking?

he wonders if you're wearing his hoodie, the one you couldn't return for some reason. he hopes it gives you comfort the way he can't right now.

i just want to go back to how things normally were. god, please. it hurts so much. so much.

the message ends and he sighs.

one more. then it's his turn.

EIGHTH RECORDING
1:00 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━⊙ 1:00