The Darker Side of Me

Chapter Twelve

Over a week had passed since Harry had stormed from the Headmaster's office. Since then several things had changed. Madam Pomfrey was now allowing him visitors twice a day. Ron and Hermione had been the first to see him; Hermione had nearly reinjured his ribs after embracing him in such a tight hug. Later he was visited by Hagrid who couldn't seem to control the massive tears leaking from his swollen eyes into his tangled mess of a beard. Mr. and Mrs. Wealsey had been the last to visit. Both were smiling broadly as Mrs. Weasley threatened to take him back to the Burrow and feed him until he didn't look like death anymore.

Second, a first-year was now bringing him homework every afternoon. He was shocked to find out Professor Snape was now the Defense Against the Dark Art's professor and that a short portly man named Slughorn had taken over as potions master. While slightly disgusted at having his least favorite teacher in charge of his favorite lesson, he was glad to hear he could continue with potions in order to pursue his Auror career.

Things had progressively been returning to normal. Voldemort had seemed to have forgotten about him, though Harry knew it was only a matter of time before that annoying voice returned to the back of his mind. Hermione was perched at the end of his cot, an Advanced Guide to Herbology open across her lap as she explained what they had learned today in the Greenhouse. Ron was helping himself to a tin of sweets his mother had brought Harry during her visit.

"I can't believe they're making you do work," Ron said through a mouth full of toffee.

"He's already missed three weeks worth of classes," Hermione scolded. "He doesn't need to fall behind any further."

Harry rolled his eyes towards Ron, who stifled a laugh. "Yeah because reading lecture notes is really helping," he replied sarcastically.

Hermione opened her mouth to reply but looking up she smiled broadly in the direction of the door.

Walking down the row of beds was Remus Lupin. His mousy hair was shorter than when Harry had last seen him, and his face was cleanly shaven. A warm grin was wrinkling the thin scars that adorned his pale face.

Harry felt his stomach drop. The smell of burning flesh and sounds of ear-piercing screams blocked the world around him as he struggled to remain in the present. He dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his face to try and block the wave of sickness that was threatening to spill out of him.

He could hear laughter somewhere in the distance and raised his head slightly. He tried to smile to hide the panic attack raging through his mind, but Lupin caught his eye and his face fell. He understood.

"Would you two mind if I had a word with Harry alone," Remus asked, quickly regaining his composure.

Ron and Hermione both agreed, grabbing their books and waving as they left the Hospital Wing. It was only then that Remus quickly drew the curtains around Harry's cot; giving them the privacy Harry needed. He took several short shaky breaths, trying to regain control of his senses that were waging war against him. Dark images of Remus thrashing upon a hearth rug, a red hot poker burning into his flesh, blossomed in front of his clenched eyes.

"Harry, it's just a panic attack. I'm right here," Lupin said, embracing Harry in a tight hug.

Harry forced himself to take a deep breath; the smell of Remus's cloak, a mixture of damp earth and cool autumn air, filled his nostrils. His hands clutched tight to the worn fabric, afraid that if he let go the wave of dark thoughts would sweep him under. He remained still, allowing the hug to continue as his heart rate steadied and his vision returned. Normally he would have found it awkward hugging his former professor, but at that moment it was the only thing keeping him grounded.