Taking Back the Life You Stole

Chapter 15

Mikey dropped down onto the bed with a groan. He stared up at the ceiling, trying his hardest not to worry about his brother in the other room.

Ray lowered himself on the bed next to Mikey and placed a hand on his thigh. "What did you want to talk about?" He asked. What Mikey had actually whispered in his ear in the other room was that there was something he wanted to talk about.

"You said I don't look any different to you," Mikey started, eyes still fixed on the ceiling. "How is that possible? Ray, in layman's terms, I'm a murderer. I killed two people, one innocent, one questionable, but I still killed them."

"Mikey," Ray shook his head, "It's different,-"

"How?" Mikey yelled, cutting Ray off. "How am I any different than the guy who stabbed Frank two days ago?"

Ray was quiet for a moment as he watched Mikey carefully. "You didn't mean to."

"But it happened." Mikey still wouldn't make eye contact. His hands were starting to shake, so he held them in tight fists pressed to his sides. "Sure it was an accident, but I still did it. I couldn't stop myself."

"I know, it happened, but it's not-" Ray paused. "You didn't know what was happening, you said it yourself."

Mikey closed his eyes. "I remember the blood, I remember biting her. I was there when it happened, somewhere, out of control but still present. I left her there, in that alley."

"What do you want me to say?" Ray tightened his grip on Mikey's leg. "Do you want me to say I think you're a murderer? Because I can't. I will never be able to look at you and think that. I will never see you as a killer. I know you, Mikey, I know you well enough. What happened, that wasn't you. You are the guy who was apprehensive to let me save his life, that's not a killer. That's just not what I see when I look at you."

"Well what do you see, because I'd sure as hell like to see that when I look in the mirror." Mikey finally looked at Ray.

Ray laid back on the bed next to Mikey, releasing his leg and instead electing to hold his hand. He thought for a moment of all the things he thought of when he looked at Mikey: beautiful, stunning, striking, breathtaking, but the words swimming through his mind didn't seem right for the moment. He reached his free hand up and carefully straightened Mikey's glasses before speaking. "I see someone that caused me to buy games I wasn't even interested in playing, just so I could spend time around you. I see someone that loves their brother to no end and would do anything to protect him, and wants nothing but happiness for him. At the thought of your brother losing someone he cared about, you put aside your own personal reserves to save him. I see a friend that is choosing to do whatever you can to make sure that Frank doesn't have to go through the same pain you went through, and to protect him from the nightmares that follow you."

Ray ran his thumb along Mikey's jaw. "I never knew what they were about, but I know about every time the nightmares woke you up. All the times I woke up to you sneaking out of the room because you couldn't sleep. All the times I woke up to you thrashing and muttering, when you were trapped in the dream that you couldn't wake up from. I'd heard you pleading for your life more than a few times. All the times I'd feel you curl up closer, sometimes consciously, sometimes not. You can't undo the past, but you've been paying for it mentally for the past two years. I'm not mad that you didn't tell me sooner because I see you differently now, I wish you would have told me sooner so I could help. I spent so many nights wondering what the nightmares were about, wanting to ask but knowing it wasn't my place, I wanted to know so I could do something."

"Ray," Mikey covered Ray's hand with his own, trapping it against his face. "I spent the better part of the last two years wishing they would have just left me to die in that alley. I'd come to the conclusion that Gee would have been better off without me, the way that I am now. I figured, better dead than a vampire, and I really believed that for a long time. At some point I changed my mind. It was when you admitted that you didn't have an Xbox, even though the past four games you bought were Xbox games. That was when I realized you were coming to the store, sometimes, just to visit me." His mouth twitched in a short smile. "When Frank was dying, I knew at some point he'd wish for the same thing, that I would have just let him die. But the way he was looking at Gerard right before he passed out, I knew something. Being a vampire would be better than being dead, because he'd get to spend more time with Gee. I understood it, because it happened to me. Being a vampire isn't so bad, because if I was dead, I would have never met you."