Taking Back the Life You Stole

Chapter 17

 Gerard sat down on the steps outside his apartment building. It was the first time he was spending actually alone in almost two days, what with everything that happened to Frank. Mikey and Frank were upstairs, watching TV and waiting for Ray to come back from work. When Gerard first said he was going out to smoke, both of them offered to come with, but realized that the sun was shining bright and unyielding, and it was safer for them both inside. A cigarette was trapped between his lips as he fiddled with the lighter, fighting against the afternoon breeze. The first breath of smoke filled his lungs and it was borderline therapeutic. Two and a half years ago he swore up and down to Mikey that he was going to quit, that they both should, but it never got beyond talk. Once Mikey was turned neither of them brought it up again, they needed it too much.

It had been hours since they left the hotel, and Gerard spent the whole morning doting over Frank, making sure that the lack of sleep wasn't messing with his head, or that he wasn't still too shaken up by the nightmares. No matter how many times Frank said he was fine, Gerard could see past the bravado and catch the shake in his voice or the way he avoided closing his eyes for too long. And as much as Frank said he was fine, it didn't stop him from spending the day basically glued to Gerard's hip, curling up on the couch together, hands clasped, Frank's cheek pressed to Gerard's chest like the sound of his heartbeat holds all the secrets to the universe.

He was still adjusting to the idea of Frank being different, it wasn't exactly an easy thing to just accept. Worrying about Mikey had been hard enough, now another person in his life was in the same position. Selfishly, he wanted to go back in time, to when his and Frank's biggest worry was Mikey or Ray catching them tangled up together in the living room. Sure, the idea of vampires always fascinated him, the blood, the religious insignia, the night, the bats, but that was when he still thought it was all fiction. It's all a lot less fun when it's real and it's your brother and it's your best friend. He'd let Mikey see him scared, only a few times, but it happened, but he had to put on a brave face for Frank. Frank couldn't know Gerard was just as scared as he was. For Frank, he had to continue pretending he was okay, even though he was very, very not okay. It wasn't just the constant worry about Frank's safety and his well being, it was the anxiety floating in the back of his mind, screaming louder every time Frank's eyes got dark the same way his brother's did when the hunger hit. There was an ache in his neck and he floated his fingers up to feel the bandaid still pressed there from yesterday morning. The blood had dried and the small incisions had since scabbed over. He picked the bandaid off and folded it, before shoving it deep into his pocket, next to the box of cigarettes.

The air was heavy and warm, but that wasn't going to stop him from pulling his jacket tighter around his shoulders. The scent of stale smoke wafted out of the worn leather. He blew out another cloud of smoke, mingling the new scent with the old. A cloud passed over the sky for a fleeting moment, but it was gone soon and Gerard turned his gaze back to the cracked sidewalk. There were patches that bordered on being so gravely they resembled sand. When they were younger, sometimes their mom would take Gerard and Mikey to the New Jersey shoreline, just to get them out of the house. Gerard never cared much for being outside, he'd much rather spend the day reading comic books, drawing, and listening to music, but Mikey, he loved those days. He'd spend hours running along the coast, splashing through the water and occasionally swimming for a few yards, only stopping to look at the pictures Gerard had drawn in the sand. It was memories like these that made Gerard feel worse for Mikey, who would never get to spend a hot, sunny day at the coast again. Gerard wondered if Mikey even remembered the last time he went to the beach.

After a few minutes of staring out into the street, watching cars slowly pass by, Gerard realized his cigarette was spent and dropped it to the ground, using the heel of his shoe to stomp it out. As much as he was relishing his time alone with his thoughts, he felt bad leaving the other two alone for so long. He ran a hand through his hair, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead in the process. Realistically, he knew that him being outside for 15 minutes wasn't actually an issue, partially, it was for his own peace of mind. He pulled the front door open and began making his way up the stairs, back to his apartment. The air was much lighter in there than it had been outside, but the sweet smell of smoke still floated through the room, drifting up from the couch where Mikey and Frank both sat.