Destiel - supernatural love

Take me to church

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR! (late but still) Thank you all for the reads I am so happy that people are reading it! There are suicidal thoughts, homophobia and selfharm in the end of the chapter so i recomend to anyone who is sensitive to these things to skip the end of the chapter.

Castiel

I walked down the stairs towards the basement. Each step creaked under my feet and each step felt like one eternity from Dean. Dean, such a beautiful name, imagine counting all those freckles? I wish I could just run back to that bar/restaurant thingy. As I continued to ealk down the old wooden stairs I feel myself blushing. Or is that a boner? You may never know. I finally get to my room and I let out a small sigh. My bed looks very comfortable imagine if De- STOP IT CASTIEL! I mentally tell myself, gosh this is some stupid crush. I had just met him yesterday. The darkness starts swelling up my room and the whole enviroment is pretty creepy. Stupid big ass family who makes me have this creepy thing as my bedroom.

"CASSIE, WHO IS DEAN? " I hear someone shout from upstairs. 

"WHAT!?" I manage to shout back. HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW WHO DEAN IS! I just met him, I don't even have his number!

"IS HE YOUR BOYFRIEND? OR A FÚCKBOY?" The person respons. Gabe. That is definitely him.

"JUST GET DOWN HERE, YOU SON OF A DICK" I shout back, my face boiling and my palms sweaty. Each thump getting loluder and he is soon here. What excuse am I going to make? What about  "I just wanted to have a new boytoy" but I've already used that. The door swings open and there stands Gabriel in a dramatic position.

"HONEY I AM HOOOME" He says loudly in a sing song voice. He charges and takes three steps and lands next to me on my bed. He smirks as he puts a lolly pop into his mouth. "Soo, who is Dean?" he says teasingly and starts swinging his legs. "Is he cute?" He says girly and sits up again.

"How do you know?'' I say quietly tilting my head in suspicion at him. "I didn't even get his number" I whisper sadly, mostly to myself.

"Now Cassie don't be so sad" He says standing up. He takes out a small bag from his pocket  and starts throwing glitter everywhere. 

"GABE" I say annoyed. He does this every single fúcking day.

"Now now, you should learn to embrace the gay, Cassie" He says matter of factly. "You know that moose I hang out with? You know, Sammy?" He says playfully while throwing more glitter towards me.

"What about him?" I say curiously while picking up the glitter slowly from the floor. 

"Well he happened to text me" He says playfully.

"Gabe just tell me!" I say desperately. I catch his eye and he starts to roll around on the floor.

"Well his brother happends to have met you yesterday" He says smiling while covering his face with glitter. In a sickly sweet voice he continues to tell his story. "He said that his brother, you know, his brother, Dean. He starting to talk about a little about a boy named Castiel" Gabriel suddly striked a pose with one hand dramatically in the air while the other on his hip. "Moose also said that you didn't exchange numbers" he says and turns his head to look at me. "Sooo, brother, I gave him yours" he stands up, with his phone in his hand, he puts on flawless by Beyoncé and walks dramatically out of the room. One second later I finally understand what had happened.

"GABE YOU DID WHAT!?" I shout one second later. My hair feels dirty, it's filled with that glitter Gabe threw around. I think through everything he had said. Frantically, I  search for my phone to see one text message. DEAN DEAN DEAN my mind shouts and my heart starts beating faster. I open my phone and I feel my whole face change from excited to sad. Metatron it said. I open the text carefully not wanting to see what it contained. "Hey faggot, I just wanted to remind you that you are worthless and that you should kill yourself before someone else does it for you. Kisses, M" I read through the text more than ten times, at least. My whole body shaking while tears streaming down my face. I watch my hands for a second. Am I a disgrace? Maybe he is right. My feet walk automatically to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and put my phone on the speakers. For once I like my room being downstairs, nobody can hear me scream. Take me to church by Hozier comes on and I step into the hot shower. The water bruns on my skin, but I don't care. I consume all the lyrics of the song.

Take me to church 

I look over the scars on my body, the fresh on my arms, the old on my thighs, and the ones one my stomach. 

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

I slowly reach for my blade.

I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife

 I slowly put the cool metal against my skin and slowly open my skin.

Offer me that deathless death

 "I am worth the pain" I mutter to myself.

Good God, let me give you my life

I finally put the blade and watch the blood drip down my arm. For each cut there was a reason, each cut was more than just some self harm. It was a reminder to myself that I don't belong here. 

I step out of the shower and throw on a hoodie and some sweatpants. I lay down in my bed in an awkward position carefully not wanting it to bleed through my clothes. I close my eyes hoping for the darkness to consume me into driftfull sleep. Just before I am swallowed whole into the world of my dreams I think of one name, Dean.