Starting Over •JJK• ✔️

Twenty Six

The four days that followed were torture. I was thankful that I didn't have any in-person meetings scheduled, so I was able to hole myself up in my apartment and lose myself in my work. But I was exhausted. If I got a total of four hours of broken sleep a night, it was a lot. Every time I would close my eyes, all I would see was JK's face looking back at me the way he was the last time I saw him.

He would message me here and there with a simple 'hello' or ask if I was okay. My responses were minimal, which made me feel worse than I already did. I hurt him and I hated myself for it. Yet he would still keep trying to get ahold of me even though I didn't feel I deserved it. I couldn't even bear to look at myself in the mirror.

I guess I technically didn't break up with him. I just said that I needed time to think. And since that's all I'd been doing for the past four days, it only made me hate myself more. It honestly felt like the right thing to do in that moment. I inadvertently dragged all of them into my bullshit and that was the last thing I wanted.

I was sitting on my couch barely paying attention to the television when my phone buzzed. I sighed and checked it to see a message from Jimin asking how I was doing. I replied saying that I was doing as okay as I could be. And as soon as I sent it, there was a knock on my door.

I rolled my eyes, which felt like they were the size of grapefruits from all of the crying I'd been doing, and got up. I looked through the peephole to see Jimin and smiled for the first time in days.

I opened the door and he greeted me with his own smile, which was much brighter than mine. "Hi, Maddie." He held out his hands, which were each holding a travel mug. "I brought you some tea."

Sweet Jimin. He never failed to brighten up even the darkest of days.

I stepped aside and invited him in, closing the door behind him. "Thank you, sweetheart."

"I know I just kind of showed up, but I also know that you would have told me not to come if I asked first." He set the mugs down on the counter and immediately turned around to tightly hug me. "I miss you. We all do."

I hugged him back, and the human contact felt better than I thought it would. "I miss you guys too. So much."

Jimin stepped back and grabbed the mugs, handing one to me. "Come sit. Let's talk."

We dropped down onto the couch and I draped my blanket over both of our legs. I took a sip of the hot tea and smiled.

Peppermint. My favorite.

I curled my hands around the mug as I set it in my lap. "Thanks for coming down. And thanks for the tea."

"You're welcome. It's kind of our thing, right?" Jimin sipped his drink and looked at me. "This might be a silly question, but are you really okay? We're all worried about you."

I shrugged and nodded. "I guess. I don't know." I looked back at him. "No, not really."

His face fell a bit. "Jungkookie isn't either. He puts on a brave face when he has to but otherwise locks himself away in his room whenever we're home."

I lowered my head. "It's all my fault."

"It isn't, though." He lightly rubbed my arm. "Please stop beating yourself up over this. Everything that's happening with your ex isn't your doing. It's his. He's the bad guy here."

I nodded. Deep down, I knew that Jimin was right. "All I was trying to do was create a new and happy life for myself. I never anticipated all of this extra bullshit, though. And I certainly never wanted to drag you guys into it too."

Jimin slightly turned in his seat to better face me. "Do you honestly think that this whole thing is the worst and most scary thing that we've ever had to face?" He sipped his tea. "We've received our fair share of death threats since we started. We know that there are a lot of psychopaths out there."

My eyes widened. "Have you really? That's horrible." I couldn't wrap my head around why people would do that to them. They've never done anything to hurt anyone.

"Yeah. People are nuts." He leaned towards me a bit and his eyes softened. "You don't have to worry about us. We are all actually worried about you and want to make sure you're safe and protected. You're our family. We want you to be okay."

Family. That was something I hadn't been very familiar with. I never had many close friends, and my parents never really cared about where I was or what I was doing. That's probably why I stayed with Trevor for as long as I did. He was the bit of stability that I'd always wanted, even if the situation was terrible.

I sighed and slumped over, resting my head against Jimin's shoulder. "Is he mad at me?" My voice was quiet. I knew that he'd be aware of who I was referring to.

"What? No!" He set his head on top of mine. "Anger is the last thing he's feeling right now. He won't talk to us. We barely even see him unless it's at rehearsals." He tapped the silver band on my finger, knowing that JK gave it to me. "He's feeling pretty lost without you around. It's only been four days but I know that can feel like a lifetime when you really care about someone."

"I hate myself for hurting him." A tear slid down my cheek. It was a wonder that I even had any tears left to cry. "I never wanted to hurt him. I thought I was doing the right thing."

"Your intentions were good, and I think he knows that." Jimin lifted his head and stood up. "Let's go upstairs and see him." He held his hand out to me. "The rest of the guys will be happy to see you too."

I took his hand and got to my feet. The thought of seeing them made my heart swell, and the thought of seeing JK made my heart race.

I grabbed my phone and keys, and upstairs we went.

I walked into their apartment and received a greeting that I wasn't expecting. Everyone besides JK was on the couch and they all looked towards the door when it opened. It was as if they were expecting me. And when they saw me, they jumped up and ran over to hug me.

Jimin laughed as he stood to the side. "I told you guys that it would work."

I glanced at him as Tae squeezed my shoulders, refusing to let me go. "Was this a trick?"

"No, not a trick." Tae squeezed harder when I tried to move away and rested his chin on top of my head. "You could have chosen not to come."

We all heard the click of a door opening and turned to look down the hallway, Tae finally letting me go.

JK stepped out of his bedroom and locked eyes with me. He looked as tired as I felt.

I hesitated to walk towards him and only moved when he took the first step. And when we reached each other, I silently hugged his waist. I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent as he wrapped his arms around me, resting a hand on the back of my head.

All of the pain from the past four days quickly began to dissipate. And in that moment, I made a silent promise to myself that I would never push this amazing man away ever again.

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