The Emo Trinity/Quartet Book

MCR and Panic! Feat. Green Day: The Sass Contest

One fair morning in the House of Memories, Wolves, and Gold, AKA the Emo House:

"Gerard, why are you eating cornflakes? They're not a nutritious breakfast," Brendon asked.  "Keep your bad vibes out of my cornflakes.  I'm not interested," Gerard retorted.  "Okay, Sassy Pants..." Brendon muttered.  "Sassy Pants yourself," Gerard grinned.  "I'm not sure whether that was a compliment or insult," Brendon replied.  Suddenly, his face lit up.  "OOOH! What do you say we--"

"NO.  Last time you said 'What do you say we...', Frank got a concussion, Dallon twisted his ankle, and Joe's fro got shaved off.  All in one hour.  Just no." Gerard resumed eating his cornflakes.  "Oh, that's fine. I mean, you'd NEVER beat me in a sass contest..." Brendon trailed off, waiting for Gerard's reaction.

Gerard stood up.  "Of COURSE I'd beat you in a sass contest.  Name your time and place." "Now and here," Brendon replied coolly.  "Hey Tyler, can you be the judge?"

THAT was a mistake.  Tyler stood up and immediately sang, "You're the judge, oh no, set me FREEEEEEEEE!!" Brendon and Gerard covered their ears in pain.  Josh scrambled over and patted Tyler on the back, handing him a taco.  "Fast food greasy taco yum," Tyler chanted, gobbling it up.  "Perhaps Josh should judge," Brendon said, removing his hands from his ears.  "Agreed," Gerard nodded, also uncovering his ears.

"First round of the Sass Contest: sassy poses!" Josh announced.  By this time, the other members of Panic!, Fall Out Boy, and MCR were gathered in the kitchen and living room, watching the participants.  "That's easy pumpkin peasy pumpkin pie, mother..." Gerard cleared his throat uncomfortably.  "...truckers." He instantly struck his sassiest pose yet: one hand on his hip and one arm in the air.  "Hmm, good one!" Josh, now wearing glasses for no reason, scribbled something onto a notepad.  "A nine!"

"NINE!?" Brendon shrieked.  "Already? Hmm..." Brendon put both hands behind his head, grinning.  Josh again scribbled something onto the notepad.  "Seven.  Winner of the first round: Gerard." Brendon crossed his arms and frowned deeply, pouting. 

"Second round: Sassy faces!"

Brendon:

Gerard:

(Ignore the writing of course)

"So, who won THAT?" Brendon asked smugly.  "Gerard, hands down.  Sorry, Bren." Josh shrugged.  "Did you pay him or something?!" Brendon cried indignantly.

Before the two sassy singers could get into a fight, however, there was a knock at the door.  "Knock knock knock knock, who is it?" Patrick called.  "The Emo God, mother--"

The voice was drowned out by a chorus of excited screaming fanboys -- as in, the Quartet.  All thirteen of them scrambled to the door, wanting to open it.  Ray used his fro, once again, to shove everyone aside, and opened the door.  "Billie Joe Armstrong!" he cheered, grinning.  "I heard there was a sass contest?" Billie asked.  "Well, we've kinda concluded it, but I suppose we can make an exception..." Josh said, handing Billie the notepad.  "'Sassy Faces'? Easy," Billie said. 

Billie:

Josh gasped.  "That... you're the sassiest of them all!" "I know," Billie replied somewhat smugly.  "It makes sense.  You ARE the Emo God after all," Patrick said.  "WORSHIP ME!" Billie yelled.  Instantly, the Quartet fell down on their knees and worshipped Billie, who facepalmed.  "These guys... too gullible for their own good." He walked out the door, yet the Quartet continued honoring him.

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5 hours later

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Gerard looked up.  Billie Joe was nowhere to be seen.  "Uh, guys? I--" he broke off as he saw the others were asleep.  Gerard smiled evilly and cleared his throat.  "WAKE UUUUUUUUUUP!!" he screamed.  "Flippin' fedoras!" Patrick shrieked, waking up.  "Dude, unnecessary," Mikey groaned.  Gerard just giggled innocently.  "So... who won again?" Brendon asked.  He was hoping Josh had forgotten that Gerard beat him both times.  "Huh?" Josh sat up and stretched his arms, yawning.  "Oh right, the sass contest.  Well, the winner is..."

Gerard and Brendon leaned forward expectantly.

"Billie Joe."

"KNEW IT!" Billie Joe shouted from the emo heavens.