Hidden Lives ~ Winn Schott [1]

Chapter 10 - The Ties That Bind

Breakfast was a comfortable, subdued affair. The atmosphere had relaxed after their discussion and though Winn tried to make idle conversation, Lily found it hard to focus on anything other than finishing so she could check on Alex. After they finished Winn offered to do the dishes so that Lily could go on ahead and see Alex.

"No." She tried to play it off like she was waiting for him. In truth, however, now that she was finally faced with the opportunity to see Alex, she was overwhelmed with guilt. Lily hadn't been there when her friend needed her most, and no amount of excuses or apologies would make that right.

Winn hummed, but didn't say anything as he washed the dishes quickly.

"I let her down." Lily finally said, the truth tasting odd on her tongue. She swallowed her uncertainty and barreled on, remembering their earlier conversation. "I wasn't there for her when she needed me."

"It's not your fault." Winn's words wrapped around her gently.

"How do you know?" She asked desperately. "You weren't even there."

He toweled off his hands and moved over to her. "'Cause I know you and I know that you would do anything for Alex." He took her hand gently, his fingers laced through her to provide a comforting warmth. "I've heard from Kara, and from Alex, and from you." He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. "Alex is your best friend, and if you could've been out there with her, you would've."

Lily shook her head, a stray tear rolling down her cheek. "I could've. I was scheduled to go on assignment with Alex, but..." She wanted to tell Winn about the letter, but the words lodged in her throat like a stone. She'd spent so long pretending that the thought of not pretending made her feel naked and vulnerable. She had only told Alex after years of friendship and putting their lives on the line for each on dangerous missions.

Winn's thumb stilled for a moment and he looked her in the eyes. "Hey, you're trying. You're talking to me, but you don't have to tell me anything before you're ready."

The stray tear turned into a few, because she was terrified that he wouldn't be so sweet once she told him who she was. "I got a letter from my brother today."

There was a deep painful understanding in Winn's eyes that only someone who'd been through some of the things she had could feel. "You said he did bad things," Winn coaxed gently as his thumb resumed brushing across the back of her hand.

Lily nodded, "and Alex could tell that I wasn't focusing. So, she took me off the assignment. If I'd been there I could've..." But even as she formulates the rest of the sentence it sounds stupid. What could she have done against a fully powered Hellgrammite? She swallowed those words, "it should've been me."

Winn didn't immediately respond, but his grip on her hand tightened. "Don't", his hand shook slightly as it held hers. "Don't say that." His hand slackened a little, "please." He glanced up at her and his eyes were glistening. "Please, I can't lose anyone else."

"Winn," her tone was a mix of shock and concern. She was unused to seeing this much care from anyone other than Alex. "What..."

"You matter just as much as Alex." He glared into her eyes, a fierce determination behind them. As though he could stare the power of his words into her. "It wouldn't be better if it had been you, the only better world is the one where it's neither of you."

The tears have begun to dribble down her face in a hot torrent now, and she didn't even bother to hide the sniffles. She just buried her face in Winn's collar as he pet her hair gently.

Eventually, she lifted her head and rubbed her eyes harshly. She tried to remove the salty crust from her eyes and look presentable.

"We should probably go see Alex now."