Anger Management- Euphoria

eight

I stayed in Nate's arms for what felt like forever and it still wasn't long enough. All my anxieties were gone, just like that. But eventually, the end of lunch bell rang and I had to pull away and he let me go without a fight. He always did. 

As I walked away without looking back at him, I thought about how his family cut all contact with mine and he didn't speak to me. How could we still be in sync after almost three months apart? In those three months, I didn't hear anything from him. I sent him a total of 137 messages and left fifty-four voice mails. Every single one of the messages said they had been read. But I kept sending them, praying that he would answer them. He never did. 

It haunted me. Was he choosing to ignore me? Were his parents forcing him to? It's not like they would give him consequences if he broke the rules. Nate never did have problems with breaking the rules. I had to endure a mountain of pain alone. In truth, he had been my only real friend. He had been all I needed and in a split second he was gone. My father had left us. One day he just never came home from work. A week later we got a letter in the mail from him from a large house in Mexico. He told us what we already knew, he wasn't coming home. He said that he fell in love with a twenty-five year old client named Candie and he intended to marry her. He took all the money and sold the house. 

The worst time in my existence and Nate wasn't there to help me. I lost count of all the nights I cried myself to sleep-- only to dream of Nate. It's a strange feeling to be disconnected from the one who makes you whole. I imagine its a lot like death. Except, that person is alive and well and actively pretending you no longer are breathing. But enough of the weepy shit. 

I had to sit through four more periods after lunch, one of which was with Nate. I had my last class with Nate and Kat. I felt his eyes on me throughout the entire forty-five minutes. I trained my eyes on the teacher, fighting every instinct to meet his entrancing brown eyes. 

In attempt to lock-in plans, I pulled out my phone to text Kat. 

iMESSAGE TO KAT<3

CAN WE GO STRAIGHT TO YOUR CAR AFTER SCHOOL? I HAVE TO HOME BY 4

iMESSAGE FROM KAT<3

YEP NP

Sighing in relief, I tucked my phone under my thigh. I didn't want the teacher to confiscate my phone on my first time in the class. That was until it buzzed again. 

iMESSAGE FROM NATE JACOBS

TAKE YOU HOME? 

I only had one response to that. 

iMESSAGE TO NATE JACOBS

NO.

I turned my phone off, exaggerating the movement so he would see it and shut up. 

Relief flooded through me as the end of day bell rang out. I snatched up my bag and headed straight for the door. Kat was going to have to catch up. I couldn't face Nate. Not now. It was a strange fear, considering that he just held me while I sobbed against his chest for twenty minutes. 

But maybe that was why. It was uncomfortable to be with someone after you had been vulnerable with them but it wasn't the first time I had cried in front of Nate though. I had thousands of times. This time just felt different, probably because I was crying about him. This time I couldn't tell him why. My problem wasn't with Nate, I wanted nothing more than to let him hold me and comfort me but I couldn't. There was no way on this planet that I was going to tell him how I felt right now. Nate was going to know why I was acting this way and he wouldn't shut up until I craved. 

I strode out into the parkinglot until I realized that I had no idea where she parked. I groaned in frustration. I know exactly what I was doing instead of homework. Maybe Kat and I would smoke a bit before homework time. I had a blunt in my backpack....

"Hey." 

My shoulders dropped, but my irritation didn't. "Yes, Nate?" 

Nate looked down at me, god he was tall. "Do you have a problem with me?" 

"What the fuck are you talking about Nate?" 

He didn't like my tone much. "Is this because I left you hanging last night?" he laughed, shaking off any guilt. "I was drunk Rosie. Don't think too much about it." 

"Fuck off Jacobs." 

I walked away, another second and I would probably end my own life right there outside the school doors. Sounds like a lot of paper work. 

Nate didn't try and follow. Thank fucking god.