The Slat story

Drunk on her laugh (Kanej)

Drunk Kaz was a sight in itself. His hair was a soft mess that fell into his eyes, his shirt was rumpled, tie almost completely undone hanging around his neck, his dark eyes sparkled playfully when they were not hidden behind his half-closed eyelids. Kaz seemed as if he was a few minutes from passing out. But he remained that way for several hours, this crooked, carefree grin ever-present on his face.

Thankfully, this Kaz only appeared in safe places such as Wylan's mansion. Inej noticed his eyes lingering on her, his skin flushed with the alcohol. Inej walked toward Kaz, he gently reached forward and took her hand. "Hello, Inej" He rasped, tone warm and kind, the gravel of his voice enunciated by the drink. "Hello, Kaz." Inej smiled, sitting opposite of him and lightly squeezing his hand as his fingers curled around her own. He let his thumb brush across her skin for a moment before letting go of her hand.
They were in the slat after a hearty night of drinking at Wylan's. It was still early in the night, and the sky still clung to some light of the day. Inej had seen Kaz home, and up the stairs but now found him hard to leave.

"I don't deserve you," Kaz suddenly spoke up, almost making Inej jump. She had begun to believe him asleep. His dark gaze was fixated on the greasy window that eluded to the dark night outside.
"What do you mean by that Kaz?" Inej asked, trying to hide her interest and failing for the most part. Kaz blinked slowly, turning to look at Inej. He raised one gloved hand and gestures to Inej as a whole.
"Mm, sorry I didn't mean.. you belong to yourself and no one else. I uh.... well, Inej, you're... an impossibility. Too good for anyone in this world to have the pleasure of knowing." Inej had to remind herself to breathe, her heart skipping beats in her chest as she tried to regain her shock. Kaz didn't let her.

Unaware of her clear surprise, Kaz leaned back and shucked off his gloves, discarding them onto the table as if they were nothing, he rolled up his sleeves while he was at it. "I'm pretty sure you're an actual saint. But then again, don't you have to die to become a saint? Or is that man is just so terrible that they kill all the living saints only to worship them after they are dead?" He frowned, glancing at Inej who was just watching him. She'd never seen this part of Kaz. Loose, relaxed, conversational, even possibly playful.
"Impossibility, though," Kaz continued, nodding to himself as he glanced up at the ceiling in thought. "You're in a sense like a magic trick I've never been able to master. On one hand, a part of me really wants to believe it's magic. Some amazing gift and something good, and new and whole. And the other part of me is expecting the trick. Trying to find the lie and discrepancy." He scowled. "I don't understand how you do it Inej, you've been through so much, horrible things no one should be put through... and yet you're forgiving, and kind, and good. You somehow have managed to make those vulnerabilities and weaknesses be a strength. You let yourself move on, and live, have friends, you can trust them. You are so much stronger than me Inej, and that terrifies me." He shook his head as if trying to clear the foggy haze in his voice or find the right words. "It terrifies me because I can't help but feel it's all too good to be true Inej, and something horrible is going to happen. What if that horrible thing is me?" He looks at his hands, stretching out his pale, long fingers.

"That's not true Kaz," Inej says, feeling a little choked up. Kaz tilts his head and smiles, and it's wide and open and reassuring and saints. If only I could see him like this without the drink... is it just the drink? Inej tried not to let the mildly horrifying thought show on her face.
"Inej, none of that should have ever happened to you. Sometimes it seems impossible to me that you aren't angry. Because I am... I am so angry... I want to tear out every one of their throats, and worse. I want them to suffer the same fates they push onto others. I want them to fear every touch, want them to feel broken..." he glanced at Inej. "But then, Inej, without these men's deaths, without all that anger, you can somehow smile... like none of it ever happened and, Ghezen help me when you laugh it feels like the whole world has been made good again. And you were never tormented so, it feels like there's some magic left and it's all in you." Inej's heart swelled painfully. His dark eyes held hers for a moment, the edges crinkling ever so slightly as he smiled.