"fuck it" | buddie [super slow updates!]

make it.

[eddie's pov]

i watched shannon say goodbye to the principal of chris's school before making her way back to her car. i hurriedly jumped out of mine so i could catch her.

"hey," i slipped my hands into my pockets.

"hey."

"school called to tell me about your appointment, thought i'd head over," i said walking beside her.

"well, don't worry..i didn't tank the interview, okay? least i don't think i did."

"i'm sure you did great, i appreciate it. christopher will to."

"that's why you're here? to pass along thank-yous from my own son-"

i blocked her from opening her car door, wanting to rephrase what i said.

"when you left.. i understood, i tried to. you were taking care of your mother, and i was trying to take care of christopher. and... and we- we drifted further away from each other. but i always thought you'd come home," i looked into her eyes, remembering the heart break of when she first left us. "..maybe we'd have a chance to make things right, but you didn't. so i guess, i- i just, i need to know. why?"

"i didn't know how. the longer i was gone, the harder it was to come back. to face you, and to face christopher. and... he must hate me-," she choked on a sob, her tears threatening to fall.

"what are you talking about? why would christopher hate you?"

"because i did this to him! i have relived every moment of that pregnancy, so many times. just trying to figure out how it happened and.. what i did wrong," she sniffled before letting the tears fall.

i took her in my arms and forgave her, happy that she's back now.

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[buck's pov]

i comforted the elderly man in front of me as his husband was being wheeled away in a stretcher. his husband's back was crushed against a fence by their own car.

"when we got married.. we thought, what the hell. we have so little life left. we might as well live." i rubbed his back gently, my face turning melancholy.

"that was mitchell, always.. daring the clock," his voice broke. "and me, i always followed along. all those foolish things we did... we only ever wanted to- to go together. that's love."

"i'm sorry," i felt my voice getting scratchy and strained. i'm surprised i'm not tearing up as much. "..i really am."

i looked off to his deceased husband again. "i guess i can only hope to find something that good."

"you don't find it, son. you make it."

i helped the man walk over to his lover to have a couple moments alone with him. i replayed what he had said over and over again. you make it. how can i make it if the one i want doesn't even know those feelings exist? they've already made one love, and i don't want to feel like i'm intruding on that.

i picked up a framed scrapbook that shattered near the accident. pictures of young thomas and mitchell, broken. i turned to make my way over to him, hugging his husband's corpse.

"thomas?" i turned him over, his eyes closed and his chest not moving. "uh, e-eddie, cap! come here- i don't know what happened. he was just talking, he was responsive.."

"all right, start compressions," bobby ordered as i placed my intertwined hands in the middle of thomas's chest and began pumping.

eddie pulled out an oxygen mask and put it in thomas's face.

"come on, thomas. come on," i panted. come on-"

"-buck. he's gone, kid"

my chest heaved as i looked at the two dead partners in front of me. they made it. after a long, happy life, their one wish was so pass together. and they made it happen.
i imagined the faces of mitchell and thomas swapped with me and eddie. we could be just like them. only if things were different, then i could try and make it.