"fuck it" | buddie [super slow updates!]

shannon.

[buck's pov]

days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. all i got done was move in to my own apartment, save a couple more lives... and still be stuck up on eddie. it's like his life is moving so abruptly, and mines just stuck in time. this is no ordinary teenage crush, and i'm dreading to admit if it's really what i think it is.

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i wiped down a handrail on one of the fire truck's with eddie on the other side of it, on the phone with shannon. not like i was meaning on eavesdropping, but it's really hard not to when they're on speaker.

"i love you," i felt my heart tear in two as i heard him say those words. 

"i love you," i heard her reply. god, i'd do anything to swap places. it's so fucking hard not to be so selfish, but at least eddie's happy.

i heard the call end, and i swallowed my pride so i could act like the friend eddie needs me to be.

"ooh, when's the wedding?" i tried my best to sound enthusiastic.

"we're already married... wait, we don't have to get married again, do we?"

i fucking hope not, i'd rather run myself over with the truck. "talk to bobby, maybe he can get you guys a discount."

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[eddie's pov]

i sat with shannon in arguably the fanciest restaurant in downtown LA. i handed her a box of chocolates before gently breaking the news. 

"i want us to be a family again. i wished for a sign, and i got one."

shannon shook her head. "..if i try to do this again before i'm ready, there won't be a second chance. i- i cant fail him again. or you, and i won't- i'm still learning, how to be someone's mother." she took a deep breath.
"and after that, maybe i can learn how to be someone's wife."

"we're still married..."

she cleared her throat so she wouldn't choke on her sobs as she spoke. "i think we should get a divorce."

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"buck and eddie, check the driver!" chim ordered us.

i jogged my way to the front of the car, seeing the driver responsible for running through a crowd in the middle of the day.

"ma'am, can you hear me?" buck asked her, as i opened the medical bag slung over my shoulder.

"i, um.." she began. "i tried to stop but i didn't see any of them...a-are they okay?"

"yeah, we're taking care of the others," buck comforted her. "right now, we need to see if you're okay."

"u-um, my neck hurts... oh god."

"ok ma'am we're going to put this on you as a precaution until the doctors at the hospital can check you out," i secured the neck brace on her.

"th- there was a lady, is- is she alright?"

i finished adjusting the neck brace to look up at buck, silent as he stared past the car.

"buck? what's going on?"

"eddie-" he started. but i couldn't hear him. all i could hear was my ragged breaths and my heart pounding so hard i must've skipped a few beats. "eddie, eddie. wait- eddie..."

i ditched the girl in the car to make my way to the body laying in the street, but chim stopped me midway.

"eddie, let me handle this-" chim said as he placed his hands on my chest.

"-how bad is it?"

"it's bad."

"spinal injury?"

"maybe worse.."

i pushed past him and bent down to my wife. "shannon?"

her droopy eyes finally focused on me. "hey.."

i watched her get wheeled into an ambulance, my voice stuck in my throat.
"i'm riding with her."

"she's decompensating, we gotta intubate her," hen called out.

chim extended his arm out, blocking my way. "eddie, we put that tube in, there's a good chance it never comes back out."

i looked long and hard at him, hoping the scene would change, praying that i'm in a nightmare and that this chapter of it would be over. but it didn't, and all i was met with was chim's worried eyes looking back at me.

my lip quivered and i wished for him to turn around, not wanting anyone to see me like this.

"hen, stop. do not intubate," chim commanded. "not yet."

"chim..." she questioned.

"i know," he looked back to face me. "he knows. get in there and say goodbye to your wife."

i hopped in immediately, squeezing shannon's hand in mine. i kissed it profusely, eventually tasting my own tears.

"christopher loves you so much..." my voice cracked as i tried to keep my sorrow at bay.

"i... love you... both..." shannon blurted between forceful gasps of air. my heart broke every second she had to fight to just breathe.

the long ring of the heart rate monitor threw hen and chimney to their feet, but kept me seated as i gripped her hand one last time.