how's sun king? is he still shining in your solar system, captivating the world with his beautiful light? is he still there, right at the center? the clueless girl asks me.
no.
who's next? you must be asking.
for a moment, no one.
hope, a beautiful goddess, came to me when i was sitting in the corner, head against the wall. she told me that she thought i could make it work. i could fix the damage, sew the pieces back together and make a whole heart, make him understand what was at stake here. she placed a warm hand on my cheek and wiped away my tears, trying to feed me forgiveness in the shape of sweet candy. she assured me that i could continue being happy. i asked her if she thought my happiness in this relationship was an allusion, insisted she tell me the truth. she pressed her lips together in a line, and for a second, i thought that maybe she was the allusion, a fake beauty that was indeed not there. but, a motherly smile shaped her face as she whispered that my happiness was whatever i wanted it to be.
i almost didn't make the call. my hands didn't move on its own. thankfully, hope was the one that pressed his contact name, trying to distract my eyes from the mass texts i sent him with no reply. she dialed the number and placed it against my ear, the sound of the ring causing me to nervously shake and fidget. she held my hand the entire way, especially in the moment where the sad words crumbled out of my mouth.
there i was, on the edge of the cliff, eyes wide and focused on him. the moment where i tried to grab his hand to jump was upon us. hope showed me the scene where he would hold on, wouldn't let go, hold on to me forever.
instead, the reality of it resulted in him smiling down at me and turning on his heel, running in the opposite direction.
hope shattered into pieces right next to me. the piece of the edge of her smile landed in my hand when i hung up and dropped the phone. she left me with my thoughts, my head leaning back against the wall again. there was no storm that left my dark eyes, no clouds created under my lids by black mascara.
there was a knock on the front door. i laughed. it would have been ironic if sun king had did the opposite of what i wanted him to do just next door. i stumbled down the staircase like a drunk, a lovesick addict. the lock was undone, and i opened the door, staring up a man.
"who are you?" comes out meekly from my mouth, brows furrowed.
the man smiles. he smells like the rain, a hurricane racing down the beach. his light hair falls in his homesick eyes, eye bags dark and heavy. he reminds me of sick days and memories best forgotten in the middle school bathroom.
"child, you have forgotten me?" he says in a strong voice, placing a hand on my shoulder. when he touches me, i feel warmth unlike the warmth that hope gave me, no, the warmth she gave me felt like a firecracker, something that gave me sparks for only a few seconds. this warmth, it overflows my whole body, takes a hold of my hand and reassures me that all will be well.
"i am not like hope, you see. i do not lie to your face. i do not feed you false dreams and wishes and make you believe the impossible. i tell you that your happiness is more than the bare minimum that you think you deserve. i will show you how to mend yourself from the hurt that has piled up on your back from these many months, and i will not fail to make you smile again after this heartbreak.
"child, i am love." he chuckles when he sees my distraught stare. "i am not the love romantics share, however. i am the love that one gives to one's self. i am the love that makes you fall in love with your own heart, your own kind face. and, i am the love that you need the most right now.
"now, are you ready?"
