i will be honest with you
i always create a visionary pseudonym for those that i write about in my excerpts. i relate it to traits or things that i heavily associate with them. such an example include sun king, or star boy.
the term "star boy" comes from how the stars scattered stardust all over star boy's face, known as freckles to our kind here on earth. he would always talk to me about how much he liked to photograph the sky during the day, but how difficult it was for him to capture the stars at night. they were too distant, too far enough for him to grasp. i associate this with how star boy's freckled face was far from my own grip.
the term "sun king" comes from his physical features; how the sun kissed his forehead and made his hair blend into the sunny rays of blond. his smile lit up a room, and i reorganized my whole life to revolve solely around his existence and convenience. the sun is beautiful; however, we look at the sun with glasses to protect our eyes. i associated how people view the sun as the center of our solar system with my toxic view on my relationship with sun king.
we could go on and on about each single pseudonym i have ever brought up. we could talk about connections I purposely made with the name, even connections that are coincidences that i would not know about.
that is not what i am being honest about, however.
when i packed up my bag to journey beyond the chains of loving sun king, i was not expecting to find...you.
well, scratch that.
i was not expecting to find you there, waiting with a patient and kind face, offering an arm out to guide me down the stairs of the house. i did not expect you to fill in the position of sun king for a short while, did not expect-
scratch that
if anyone was going to fill in as sun king, i expected it to be you. i did not expect that you would willingly put yourself there without a pursuit from me.
even while i was being blinded by sun king's sunshine rays, there was a part of me that was aware that this was not the healthiest thing in the world. you have to let go. move on. find someone that will love you for who you are, not the creation that you have made for them. i believed that this was something i would not accomplish for quite awhile. fear rooted me in the spot, horror washing over my face as i continued to stare right into the sun, nothing to protect me from damage.
and then you tapped sun king's shoulder, ushered him to the side, and faced me with a warm smile on your face.
and for a moment, i was staring into the face of a home. of a place where i could lay in the blankets and feel comfort instead of sadness, a place where i could dance down the halls without worrying to wake the neighbors, a wonderful home that i feel free in despite the four walls leering down at me.
you were you. a simple boy, someone i did not know the beginning of the year. a boy with his own story, one that you would share with me the night where the clouds cried and the sky laughed at the sight of two children biking home and screaming in pure joy. a boy that i felt safe with, even in the first few minutes of getting to know you on the bus. a boy that i wanted to become better friends with, a boy that i secretly wanted to pursue the moment i was able to overcome my fear of leaving sun king's glare.
who is "you"? the reader asks. why does "you" not have a pseudonym?
there are so many special things about you. i do not think creating a name for you would do you justice, for you are more than just an adjective and a noun. you are so much more. you are the reason why i understand when strangers say that there are certain people that feel like home, people that will always remain in your heart when you part ways, first loves that will be in the back of your mind when you continue the path of life.
you are you, divine in your own way. and that in itself is a pseudonym, and a beautiful one too.
