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i sighed smoothing down my dress. i walked out miah's old room going to get milani dressed. today was nehemiah's funeral and i didn't want to go. it just wasn't fine how a cop could take his life like that. he was suppose to be here with me and our baby not in a casket. he was so excited to be a father just for his life to be taking away from him.
"angel?"
"yes babygirl?"
"where's miah going?"
"well baby he's going to heaven.."
i didn't really know what to say or how to explain to a five year old that her brother was murdered and that she would never see him again physically.
"where my bunny is?" she beamed
"mmhm where your bunny is" i nodded
we left the house going to the funeral home. i had spent the night at masani's house because i would be able to stay in our home without him being there with me. she needed help to with milani so i offered to help her out.
"i don't wanna be here" i mumbled walking into the funeral home
since i could remember i hated funerals the energy was always off and they were just depressing and creepy. the hairs on my back stood up and i rubbed my arms.
"we are gathered here today to celebrate life of nehemiah tamir derrick. a brother, nephew, grandson, friend, and father. may we now bow our heads. dear heavenly father we come to you and ask you that you protect nehemiah on his journey back to you lord, i pray you cover his girlfriend and their child and that she has a safe delivery. i ask that you protect everyone in this church and that you continue to watch over us in Jesus name we pray amen" the pastor said
"amen" i mumbled
"now a word from his mother, masani"
"goodmorning.. i never thought i would have to do this so soon but here we are. nehemiah was what i called my miracle child, growing up he was a piece of work but he was always so helpful and kind. anyone who knows nehemiah knew that he wanted to be a basketball player he looked to micheal jordan and kobe bryant those were his inspirations and role models. he used to sleep with a basketball he would take one with him where even he went. nehemiah started playing basketball in the fourth grade and he was so excited you could tell how passionate he was about the sport and it definitely was something he had in common with his father. i am saddened by his death but he will forever live in our hearts and he will forever be a role model and impact on the younger children. thank you"
"here's his girlfriend angel"
i got up from my seat fixing my dress walking up to the podium
"hello.. i could talk about nehemiah all day. he was kind, supportive, caring, he was a very empathetic person, a kind soul. he was more than my baby's father, more than my boyfriend. he is my soulmate, my bestfriend, my other half, my backbone, my first anything. we balanced each other out we were platonic. when you were around him you could just feel his energy he was such a good person and i know he would've been a great father. his death was unfair and unjustified but his name will forever live on. until we meet again forever my love nehemiah." i wiped my eyes
they walked nehemiah's casket to his burial site. i held the white rose humming the song. once the casket was lowered tossed in our roses in.
"until we meet again" i said lowly
—————
i walked towards the kitchen making me to-go plates. i couldn't be here.
"you okay sweetheart?" one if his aunts asked me
"yes ma'am i'm fine" i nodded forcing a smile on my face
i was so tired of being asked 'are you okay?' or tired of being told you're so strong' because i wasn't okay and i didn't want to be strong i wanted cry my eyes out until i couldn't produce anymore tears. why do i have to be strong why do i have to be okay?
i wanted to scream and give up and just disappear for a while until i was actually okay and fine and back to my normal happy positive self. until then i could only pray that i would be okay and that the lord gave me the strength to continue on.
