Seventeen year old Misty Cellars lives in a double-wide trailer where she bargains with a local drug gang to keep her mother out of prison. After losing her father to heroin, she is invited to a weekend church gathering, or so it appears. Instead, M...
What is it about the dimming of lights that can make you share things you never would otherwise?
During the weekly share, Misty couldn't believe her ears. Tobi said he might be gay. With reddening cheeks, he looked down as if he might cry. Or like he was expecting the wrath of the holy spirit to rain down upon him. Misty felt frozen, stilling her posture to ensure that the crumbling of her inner world wasn't visible on the outside. So much for her and Tobi falling in love, and driving beneath the scenic New England leaves to visit him at college in the fall.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed. It was like her brain blanked out what followed because she couldn't expel any more emotional energy. When the ground began to file out for the afternoon break, Misty quickly brushed Tobi's arm, gesturing for him to stay with a nod of her head. She looked back, at first hesitantly, but then nodded, and the two of them fell back quietly into the darkness.
Misty put on a brave face. "Hey," she began, "That was really brave of you. Just now." She smiled with as much selflessness as she could muster. How could she be thinking of herself at a time like this? It's not like Tobi just decided to be gay to punish her. He must be dealing with so much, she thought.
"Shit," she suddenly blurted.
Alarmed, Tobi took a step back, as if to evaluate a painting that was larger than he realized.
Misty shook her head apologetically, "Nothing," she sighed. "I just got a text earlier. I forgot to respond."
"Damn girl," Tobi smiled that same, gorgeously charming smile. "I thought something was really wrong!"
"No, no...." she reassured him, taking a moment to dissociate from her self-involved inner narrative. This was Tobi's moment, she told herself. He needed her. She needed to get out of her own head, if even for a minute. She allowed herself to be freed of the inner turmoil that seemed to be a constant squeeze on her synapses, and met his eyes with a genuine smile. Wordlessly, the two leaned in for an unforced, tight hug.
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As their embrace came to a close, Tobi suddenly looked at Misty with a certain solemness in his deep, blue-green eyes.
"Misty," he began, clearing his throat, "You know, I get that you might be ready to be like, open with us about...," he looked down, "everything...."
Misty's breath caught, her guard still down from when she had told herself this was his moment. "What was with people today?" she thought, befuddled. She wasn't ready for things to put about her, and she struggled to hem herself in.
Tobi put a hand on her arm, gently, reassuringly, "But I want you to know that...when you do. I'm here to listen," he leveled her gaze, his characteristic, unobtrusive genuineness breaking through Misty's now-risen barrier to give her heart a small twinge, "No matter what."
Misty felt her a small, stinging film rise over her eyes. Despite the layer of tears that covered her algae-green eyes, she felt like something had evaporated between them, and she found herself smiling back, a genuine gratefulness welling up in her chest.
Misty wished she could force herself into believing him, but the text she received earlier was just one example of why she couldn't allow herself to trust anybody. She was in deep. And nobody deserved to see the type of darkness that was down there with her.
