"You know as well as I do that we are unbelievably compatible, Infinity." Bokuto whispered, with one warm hand resting on her waist and the other on the wall behind her, as he closed the space between them. Infinity could feel his hot breath on her...
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Infinity hated the word 'phobia' because in her opinion it not only generalised fear but compartmentalised it -- the word managed to label the very thing that scared you and by doing so, it took away your power and your sense of being. The phobia consumed you and you weren't simply someone with a fear anymore, you became a 'phobic'.
Once you were classified as a 'phobic' you were plagued by trained specialists like doctors and psychiatrists, who all promised the same thing -- support and encouragement to help you overcome your irrational fear. Infinity thought it to be a bunch of bullshit because she knew that she wouldn't be conquering her fears by sitting in a scratchy chair, in a dimly lit room with an over inquisitive woman that insisted she think back to before she was even conceived and explain how she believes that may have affect her mental health.
Infinity, although she would never admit it to anybody -- not even herself -- had one overwhelmingly irrational fear. She refused referring to her fear as Gamophobia, because in her opinion it didn't encompass the unexplainable feeling of dread she felt when she was faced with her fear. Infinity was deathly afraid of commitment -- she was terrified by the thought of binding herself to one person for eternity and although she knew her fear was completely irrational, she couldn't stop her anxiety from kicking in when she was confronted by the topic.
Her parents had forced all sorts of treatments on her -- verbal therapy, hypnotherapy, behaviour therapy and systematic exposure -- but the only one that seemed to work for Infinity was denial. Infinity simply avoided the topic and by avoiding it, she had managed to convince herself that her fear didn't exist, that it wasn't a constant companion. And although Infinity didn't voice her thoughts or let her fear control her, it was becoming more and more difficult to avoid the cold knot of fear that was beginning to form in the pit of her stomach.
Infinity's head swam as Bokuto pressed his lips to hers, it wasn't that she didn't enjoy kissing him it was just that she was scared of which repercussions were to follow -- she knew that senseless kissing didn't stay senseless kissing for long and that somehow feelings always came into play. She pulled away breathless and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and Bokuto, who sat across from her on the carpeted floor of the living room, quirked an eyebrow.
Infinity leaned forward and traced Bokuto's pink bottom lip with the tip of her finger, "I have a rule for if we want to keep doing this." Bokuto leaned into her touch and hummed in response. Infinity's voice was no longer soft and playful but had a stern edge to it, "No feelings attached -- we can make out and stuff but no feelings, at all, ever." Bokuto's eyes travelled slowly up to meet hers and he shrugged, "Whatever, I wasn't looking for a girlfriend anyway."
A grin spread across Infinity's face and she put her hands around Bokuto's neck. She pulled him closer and brushed her lips against his cheek, "Then I guess we can keep doing this." Bokuto smiled and wrapped a hand around her waist, he held her chin with the other. He pulled her in for a kiss and mumbled a quiet, "I guess so," against her lips. The duo sprang apart when they heard thunder crash loudly in the distance, Infinity ducked for cover and, upon realising that it was totally unnecessary, laughed nervously.
