Castle of Time and Ash

CHAPTER LIV

CHAPTER LIV

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She couldn't breathe.

Everything was dark, so dark and pure and silent she wondered if it was all gone.

Was this the end? Was she finally in the land of eternal sleep where there was no fear, no pain, no panic like she had before? It was just a misty blackness that was so inviting and beguiling. The noises were abruptly not there anymore, like a vortex of silence had enveloped the sounds, hushing them and singing a woeful lullaby. Her lungs were lead, drawing her downward into the mist and murmurs of darkness. Her whole body felt numb and chaotic, a conflict that left her mind in shards of memory.

And then there was a room. Far greater and far more extravagant than any room she had ever laid eyes on. There were elaborate swirls that wrapped themselves around the pillars that hoisted the roof up, matching the golden sparkle and champagne-colored spines of chandeliers and walls and frames of windows. The air was open and wild, a thrashing breeze that kissed her skin.

The fireplace was unlit, and above it, the mantelpiece gleamed, newly polished and dusted by who she presumed to be maids. A coat of arms with twin swords hung over the mantelpiece, a collection of blues and whites and golds again, complementing the flare of silver steel. Bookcases of a monumental size stretched upward on either side of the fireplace, a mahogany brown streaked with dark red. They held infinite pounds of knowledge, more precious than any treasure ever known. Their spines were shaded a variety of colors, ranging from the famous leathery brown accented with gold to the eye-catching green marked with the same stripes of light.

Althera's hand reached out to skim across the hard spines, tracing the delicate lines and feeling the leather texture on her fingertips, a flutter of electricity on the pad of her thumb. She remembered every intricate detail in this room – this deserted, closed-up area she recalled laughing and smiling in.

Wasn't this what she had always wanted? To come back to this place and feel fresh and renewed? Wasn't she meant to feel exceptionally happy she was back here and intact? But then why did she feel as if she was missing something? Why did this everlasting dark beauty and peace seem so lonely and quiet and different? Why did she feel nothing but emptiness and coldness like a child that had been neglected for far too long?

Be happy, she told herself. You are finally in the land of eternity. Sleep.

She closed her eyes, the gold of the room fading into a completely different world where she saw only darkness and glimpses of dreams she didn't feel or understand.

Sleep, her own solid and present voice said to her. Sleep and you will be one with the light and silence you have always desired – the peace you want to feel and relish. You deserve this.

Did she? She had killed, slaughtered. How was she any different from Rhaye, from Valentine? How had she deserved the rest and they hadn't?

I need to go back, she said. I need to return.

But you deserve this. Why do you want to go back?

She stepped forward, testing the darkness. It was sturdy and silky, like clouds and layers of satin above brick.

I need to return. Take me back.

But it is so peaceful here. Stay.

No. Take me back.

Stay.

Take me back.

The silence answered this time. She fumbled for the words, for the picture of a bloodied room and her broken body lying somewhere under the glare of the creature.