🌹Warriors: Spam🌹

Rant

Since this is a spam book... Thought I'd be a good place to rant/compile my thoughts. This is more for myself than anyone else.

Ok, so I've come out as nonbinary to most of my online friends now. That's the label I've settled with, even though it might not be the best one, as I don't feel like dealing with the microlabel debate. (Of course, if you use microlabels you are totally valid!) I just don't feel like dealing with the hate of microlabels and people telling me I/my identity doesn't exist, plus I don't feel like explaining a more specific label to other people. And really, there's not a specific way to be nonbinary.

If I were to go with a microlabel/more specific label, it would probably be demigirl, bigender, or girlflux.

See, here's my feelings:

I don't feel like I'm entirely a female. However, I don't specifically mind being called a female. But I'm also comfortable being called nonbinary. Really slightly more comfortable. I'm comfortable with both she/her and they/them pronouns.

I probably will one day use mx. Instead of miss, but I also wouldn't mind still using miss or Mrs. It's the same when I think of myself as a parent. I can still see myself being called mom, but also can see myself using the title of ren/renny. (parent shortened)

Some feminine titles, like girl, etc don't bother me. However, the specific title of "girly" bothers me so much, I'm not sure why it bothers me more than girl on its own, but it does. 

Also, in dreams and daydreams and stuff, I sometimes still think/dream of myself as a female.

See, I've came out online, and I might come out at school, maybe at home, but I don't know if I see myself coming out in public otherwise. Like, in the acting industry (I want to be an actress). I feel like it would just make it much more difficult (and I know I shouldn't mind that but I do) to get cast in roles if I came out as nonbinary. Or harder to get jobs in general. And since I'm still sort of comfortable being referred to as a female, I feel like it would just be easier to not come out except to my friends and maybe family. If anyone knows what I mean.

I mean, I'm already continuing to use my birth name as my name, and I use both she and they, so it doesn't really change too much... I just really don't know at this point.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm faking my whole nonbinary identity just because I'm still slightly comfortable with being called a female.

But honestly, back to the microlabel thing, demigirl would probably be the one I fit with best, because that's basically in the middle of nonbinary and female, which is kinda how I feel.

But there's also bigender, which is identifying as two genders, which in my case, would be female and nonbinary.

And then there's girlflux, which means basically the percent that I feel female fluctuates. Anywhere from fully feminine to agender. That's probably not it because I'm not sure my identity fluctuates, it's kinda always the same just both female and nonbinary at once.

And then there's the whole point about my style. I know gender expression doesn't equal gender, which is good because my style is androgenous/masculine while obviously I don't feel male (as specified in the whole rant above) That's what makes this whole thing even more confusing.

So to sum up this whole rant, I don't know what's going on with my identity. I'm just confused as hell at the moment. And I feel like people will think I'm faking if I put this anywhere else but on here sooo

Also this rant was all over the place, written at 4:30 am, so it probably doesn't make any sense... But anyways, peace out peoples.