Burned Out - A BadBoyHalo Fanfiction

1: Just a Whisper

    Bad gasped for air, choking on his own sobs. The only other sound in the room was the whir of the fan above him. He was curled into a ball on his bed, his glasses flung onto the floor next to him, and his favorite hoodie pulled over his face.
    The room was almost pitch black, but a small amount of light shined through the small crack beneath the door. He hadn't bothered to turn the other lights off before he ran into his room and collapsed onto the bed.
    This was the third breakdown he had had that week, and he knew he had to get it together soon. He hadn't been able to record a video in months, and his subscriber rate had flattened substantially.
    But it was just so hard to ignore the fact that he was a failure. A complete and utter failure. Every time he glanced into his stream chat, every time he scrolled through comments, he saw people making fun of him, pointing out everything he was doing wrong. And he couldn't take it.
    He knew most of them were just stupid memes, but even fake insults can hurt. He knew that better than most. Not to mention, the mean, hateful words far out numbered the kind, supportive ones.
    His breathing slowly evened out until he was certain his tears were done flowing. He sniffed and sat up. His face was red and wet, his eyes puffy. Sniffling, he wiped his face off before reaching off the bed to get his glasses.
    He turned on the lamp that sat on his bedside stand, illuminating the rest of the room. In the opposite corner from him was his desk, facing the wall. On it was his three monitors and two speakers, and underneath was the PC. His walls were mostly bare, except for a small whiteboard with a to-do list on it.
    A yip came from the door. He stood up and walked over, opening it once he got there. His small dog barreled in, apparently trying to smother his leg.
    "Hi, Rat," he said, giving a weak, half-hearted smile. He scratched her head and flopped back onto his bed.
A ding came from the stand next to him, where his phone was sitting. On the screen was a notification: One message from: Skeppy
    He picked up the phone, double tapping the notification to open it. It said:

Skeppy: Hi Bad! How ya doin?

    Bad's fingers hovered over the screen as he decided what to say. Don't tell him. It was his thoughts, but it almost sounded like a whisper to him. He decided to listen to it.

BadBoyHalo: Hi, I'm fine

    I'm fine. The same thing he'd been saying for weeks. Months. Whenever someone asked that's what he'd say. I'm fine.
    Almost immediately, Skeppy began typing out another message. Bad waited.

Skeppy: You wanna do that video we were talking about?

    Bad glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already ten o'clock at night, he didn't think he had the energy to do anything. But if he didn't wouldn't he be letting Skeppy down? And all the fans?

Don't do it. He just uses you for the views.

    There was that hybrid thought/whisper thing.
    "Skeppy would never do that. We're friends," he muttered.

Then why does he never ask you why you're always tired, but haven't made a video in months?

     That stupid whisper was starting to have a point. There was another ding, but when Bad looked down, the screen had gone dark. He unlocked it to see what the message said.

Skeppy: Bad? You still there?

    Bad quickly typed out a response.

BadBoyHalo: Yeah, I'm here, I don't think I'm up for it tonight, I'm pretty tired.

    Bad could see Skeppy start to type, stop, then start again. Finally, a new message came through.

Skeppy: Okay, you wanna talk?

    "Yes," Bad breathed. NO. He hated this. Hated how he felt as though he was fighting himself. Hated how weak he felt.

BadBoyHalo: Not now

Skeppy: Okay, let me know if you change your mind

BadBoyHalo: K

    He turned off the screen and dropped the phone onto the bed. He buried his head in his hands, but felt tears prick at the back of his eyes anyway.
    "Not again," he groaned. Abruptly he stood up, startling Rat, who was sitting next to him.
    "I need some coffee."
    He turned off the lamp and headed towards the door. As he opened it, Rat darted past his legs and out into the hall. He didn't bother closing the door behind him, he only started to walk towards his kitchen.
    The light in the dining room was on, glowing a warm orange color. When he turned on the one in the kitchen, however, it was bright, glaring white. He squinted for a second before turning it back off and using the other light instead.
    He took a day old coffee mug and put it underneath the coffee machine, popped a pod in the top, and let it start brewing.
    Then he felt the weirdest sensation. The room spun and his legs felt like they were gone from under him. He leaned on the counter, not knowing what was happening, but then the weirdest part happened.
    Everything stopped. But he felt something with him. And then it spoke.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading the first chapter!!! I hope you liked it, but it only gets darker from here lol. All the art is by me, I did it myself and feel free to leave suggestions on what scenes I should draw out in the future. Anyway, please keep reading, and enjoy!

Chapter word count: 957 words