Ten Reasons Why | ✓

2.11 | 𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘶𝘦

Isla looked up at me with tears in her eyes and I wanted nothing more than to wipe them away because seeing her cry makes my heart hurt and my chest to ache, but I resisted the urge and just down at her, waiting for her to speak.

"Y-You're so confusing Zach." She stuttered, finally speaking up.

I snorted, "Tell me something I don't know."

"Did you--" she cleared her throat, "Did you mean everything you said?"

"I do" I nodded.

A flash of hurt passed in her eyes, "Including cursing the day you ever laid eyes on me?" She asked in a small voice.

I can never regret seeing you for the first time that day, is what I almost blurted out but caught myself when I remembered that I can't afford leading her on, I'm too fucked up for an innocent girl like her.

"Especially that," I lied and I watched her face crumble in agony and all I wanted to do was punch myself for hurting her, yet I didn't but I sprinkled more salt to the wound, "If I didn't meet you Isla, we wouldn't be here and I would be free to live my life that would have sent me straight to hell."

She winced at my words and a tear droplet fell down and I caught myself before I could wipe it off.

Silence wrapped around us like a noose around the neck and the tension was suffocating.

"I didn't know.." She sniffled as more tears fell, like my words just made the dam break. I clenched my hands into fists. "I'm so sorry."

I'm the one who is wrong, yet she decides to apologise. She really is the most gullible, naive, most beautiful girl ever, and it just goes to show that I don't deserve her at all. Oil and water have never mixed together.

I looked away, feeling my own eyes water, feeling like an ass and a wuss at the same time, whenever I was with Isla, I always managed to lose whatever self control I had. "Stop, apologising isn't going to help."

"I--" Her eyes zeroed to my clenched fist and she pried them apart, and intertwined them with her. I stared at our hands, the only thing on my mind is looking at how perfect our fingers seemed to blend with one another. Like two puzzle pieces. "I--- loved you too you know?"

Loved. Past tense.

I couldn't even be happy with the fact that the girl that I'm in love with, had once loved a fucked up guy like me, all I could think about was the fact that she did and now she doesn't anymore.

"But you were too stubborn to notice my advances in you. I thought you didn't like me so I moved on" Her last three world made me feel like my heart was drilled with a jack hammer and all that's left is disgusting gooey mess. I removed my hand from hers and immediately regretted it when it felt cold again.

"It's fine, you don't have to explain yourself to me Isla" I spoke up after a few moments of silence, which she really didn't have to do. I was the one who was supposed to do the explaining. Explain how I won't be able to let her into the clusterfuck that is my brain and my life, explain why I can never get with her because she is so far out of my league. "You wanted to know why I hate you and I told you."

"You don't really hate me, do you Zach?" I didn't answer and she pressed her lips together, her beautiful brown eyes glistened again. This was the exact reason why I didn't deserve her. I always found a way to make her sad or cry even though I really didn't want to. "Do you -- do you still hate me?"

"Yes," I answered immediately and her face fell, I felt guilty and horrible, yet I didn't do anything to ease my guilt. "I hate that I still love you even though you're in love with Garrett."

"I'm not in love with Garrett," She whispered, making my heart go into speed drive. The effect Isla had on me was crazy. "I like him a lot but I'm not in love with him."

"That doesn't change anything" I answered feeling drained, "You're in a relationship with him and he loves you, and although it pains me to say it. I'm glad that the two of you are together."

"Zach---"

"No." I shook my head, cutting her off. "You deserve each other. You're both kind and friendly, nothing at all like me. I'm messed up, there is no way we could have ended up together."

"You're not messed up."

"I am messed up, I'm a fucked up guy." I spoke firmly knowing that it is true, "I don't wanna taint you, which is why it is great that the two of you are together to take care of each other but I can't bear it anymore."

She looked up, "What do you mean?"

"I'm moving away and I won't tell anybody where because it's better that way. I'm not coming back, seeing you with Garrett is painful enough but I can't bear it anymore. I have to leave."

"But--"

I shook my head, "I've made up my mind Isla, you aren't going to stop me. I'm leaving today, right now."

"Does Garrett know?" She whispered. At the mention of my best friend, I tried not to punch myself in regret.

"You'll tell him yourself. I'm too much of a wimp to do it myself. " And it was true, the moment I see Garrett, I would chicken out, but that doesn't make me feel less guilty for taking the easy way out. I'm sure after this, Garrett wouldn't want to talk to me or see me ever again. "This is the longest we have ever talked together, but it also doesn't mean anything Isla. I still hate you and I probably always will."

"That's not a very nice thing to say."

"Yeah, well I told you that I'm a fucked up guy." I hesitantly reached my hand to cup her face and she looked up to me with sparkling eyes. My breath got caught in my throat, she was so beautiful, so damn beautiful. "You wanted a reason as to why I hate you Isla Moore and I gave you ten. I hope those reasons are enough to explain how I've been treating you." I dropped my hand back down. "Good bye Isla."

I walked away with a heavy heart.

--𝘍𝘐𝘕--

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲! 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞!

-𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥🌻