Through Sickness and Death | Oikawa x reader

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The next day_

I hummed along with my music, not noticing the sudden presence beside me, but when I did I can tell you now I had half a heart attack right then and there.

"God-- Toru, where did you come from?!" I shouted as I placed my hand on my heart to exaggerate my surprise, "isn't it the middle of the day... you should be at school."

"So should you," he replied as he made himself comfortable in the chair beside my bed, his face told me everything. He was worried. Extremely worried.

"You're thinner," he stated as he looked at me, "have you not been eating properly?"

"Of course I have," I lied, "besides, you don't need to worry about me anymore. I'm not your girlfriend."

He frowned at my words and looked away.

"I know that," he muttered, "believe me, I do. But it's so hard because..."

He looked at me with a big smile but the saddest eyes I've ever seen.

"I still love you and I think I always will," he told me, "no matter what you say or do... it won't change."

I felt my heart flutter at his words and I just wanted more than anything to hug him but I can't. I can't make him suffer like he did back then. 

"You shouldn't hold onto me like that," I told him, the words came out colder and harsher than I wanted them to, "maybe... we should keep a distance from each other for a while until you just see me as your childhood friend again."

I don't want that. I want to be able to kiss you again, have fun with you again, tease you with Hajime and kick your ass at arcade games. But I can't. But we can't.

He stood up abruptly, the chair he was on screeched uncomfortably across the floor.

"Why... I don't understand you, y/n," his voice cracked, "why can't you just tell me what's going on? I know you weren't collapsing out of exhaustion! And you're getting thinner! Please! Stop lying to me, y/n, tell me what is going on!"

I bit my lip as I felt tears rising up and I avoided looking at him, facing forward knowing that if I looked to him, I'd cry. I'd cry until I couldn't stop.

"I... can't..." I gripped my sheets as I attempted to keep my voice as steady as I could.

"Fine," I hear him turn away, "maybe us being separated will be for the best. I'm just chasing after a shadow at this point. Bye... l/n."

Ouch-- that hurts.

I'm not even y/n anymore. Just l/n.

The door slammed shut and I pulled my knees to my chest as I let out a small laugh. My laugh became louder and eventually it turned to tears as Shoichi and Yuzuha walked into the room.

"Y/n?" Yuzuha rushed over as Shoichi just stared at me in confusion, "what happened, honey?"

"I... really am cruel aren't I?" I half laughed, half cried at myself as I pushed my hair out of my face with one hand and used to other to wipe my tears.

"What're you talking about?" Shoichi asked, "did something happen?"

"No," I shook my head as I managed to stop myself from crying and took a shaky breath in, "nothing happened. Nothing at all."

I noticed the two of them sharing unsure looks but shrugging it off as I initiated a new conversation and listened to Yuzuha rant about one of her professors who marked her work down a grade just because she didn't use a semi-colon correctly.

"Grammar freak," she huffed.

°💔°
Three days later_

"Hey. I came with cookies," Hajime walked into my hospital room, a bag of cookies raised up as he did.

"Hey," I grinned at him as he walked over and sat down next to me.

"How're you feeling?" he asked me, "I heard you had a breakdown a few days ago. Didn't Shittykawa come visit you that day?"

"He did but it wasn't his fault," I told him, "it was all my fault. I was an idiot and got myself all sad, thinking about what my family is going to be like without me."

"You shouldn't think about that," he said as he passed me a cookie, I smiled as I accepted it.

"Well if I don't think about it, who will?" I asked, "I know they won't."

"Because they don't want you to die, y/n," he said, looking down, I sighed and took a bite of my cookie and then leaned back in my bed, "I don't either."

"Don't give me the 'take the treatment' pitch. I've heard it enough already," I told him, shaking my head as I recalled the numerous times someone has tried to get me to take the treatment.

Suddenly a wave of nausea rolled up on me and I threw myself out of my bed and into the connecting bathroom, throwing up what little food I'd managed to eat today.

"Are you OK?" Hajime asked as he knelt down beside me, his hand on my back as he stayed there. I sighed and pulled away, sitting down on the floor and flushing the toilet after wiping my mouth.

"How long has that been happening?" he asked.

"Just since last night," I replied, "nothing crazy. I probably just picked up some kind of cold from someone here in the hospital. It might seem all sanitary and clean but in fact it's the home of a lot of bugs and viruses. It's actually disgusting when you think of it."

His face was that blank stoic look, it didn't need to show me what he was thinking, nor did he have to say it because his eyes told me everything. The emotions swirled in them.

"I'm fine," I assured him, "I promise."