After a year and a half of trying to move on from the what-ifs, the tides have pulled Alexandra Rivera and Zachariah Kim back together again.
*****
In the h...
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Coming back to Calum's house after two weeks leaves me desperate to run right back to where I came from. Even though I know Zachariah and Emmie aren't here, my mind goes into overdrive imagining the two of them waiting for me behind those doors, and I replay the events of the last time I was here on a loop.
I seriously debate going through with it when he opens the front door and I'm caught, deer in the headlights.
"Nice try, Alex."
As soon as I'm within arm's length, he pulls me in for a hug and there's an apology he's trying to convey through the embrace. It feels silly he expects it needs to be given. With all that Calum has done for me over the years, he shouldn't feel guilty about an unfortunate oversight. I knew the possibility of what I was getting myself into when I went to the party, and I have to live with the consequences of that choice myself.
"Glad you called me back." He motions for me to go inside.
"Did you think I wouldn't?"
Calum shrugs his shoulders and nudges me forward. "Hard to tell with you sometimes. Wouldn't blame you if you hadn't."
I kick my slippers off next to his doormat and tiptoe into the house. It's nothing like it was a couple of weeks ago. Now that it's no longer crowded, it feels more like a home.
After disappearing into the kitchen for a couple of minutes, he reemerges with a beer for each of us. The fact that it's not even noon yet doesn't bother me.
"I almost don't recognize this place without the smell of vodka on my face," I deadpan as I get a better view of the house. When I see him wince, I regret making the joke. It sounded more innocent in my head. "I'm kidding. I'm happy for you."
He allows himself to smile, even if he looks like he's walking on eggshells around me. The sight of him being careful around me leaves a sour taste in my mouth, one that has nothing to do with my distaste for beer.
Calum and I aren't awkward around each other, nor do we shy away from the hard-to-swallow conversations. I hate that I've reduced one of the rawest friendships I've had to this.
"I need to explain what happened last time you were here," he dictates with purpose.
"You don't have to—"
"No, I do. I was stupid," he articulates with authority. "I know you don't like people bringing him up around you so I thought I could get by with him staying away for the night but he came home sooner than he was supposed to." Calum looks down at his hands twisting around the bottle, the condensation dripping onto his bitten nails. "Emmie and Heather being there at the same time made everything shittier. I should have either planned that way better or asked if you wanted to come over another day that was more comfortable for you. This is me owning up to my mistake."
There's a lot to unravel, most of it things I've already gone over a thousand times in my head, but I focus on one part of his apology. "Is he living with you?"
