Fear

Chapter 4: The Fields

Arriving in Wall Rose did nothing to decrease tensions as an already strained food supply became practically non-existent.

My brother and I were lucky enough to be able to meet up with Armin, Eren, and Mikasa, but Carla and Dr. Jeager were no where to be seen. Michael asked about it, but Eren got unnervingly quiet and Mikasa refused to say a word. This left me and Armin to deal with the tension. We only managed to breach it days later when not one person from our family showed.

Michael won't talk about it- and I don't blame him. I'm sure he still has hope... but I can't help but think about the worst case scenario.

"Gabriel, its time to go now."

Giving a quiet hum in response, the green-eyed boy brushed his fingers over the worn cover of his journal before stuffing it into his satchel. Its a miracle that the garrison didn't notice it when they boarded the boat, so he got to keep it with him.

With the increased strain in food supplies, the central government had decided to send the refugees to the fields in an attempt to gather as much food as possible from the barren farms marring humanity's territories.

The work is grueling, leaving the five children with hands cut up and calloused, and still empty handed. It does make Eren and Michael feel better to have had worked to earn their keep though. Gabriel can't say he's as pleased. The long hours of work often leaves him and his brother heavily sunburnt due to their fair complexions- the irritated skin often keeping them awake into the night and peeling away painfully.

But, none the less they make it through.

Soon, August fades into September, before coming finally to October. The twins' birthday falls onto a Wednesday, and on the 22nd the twins turn 13. The celebration is small and somber in the late hours of the night. Armin's grandfather manages to get some sweet bread from the meager savings the twins have saved up, and the five children split it amongst themselves before going to bed.

Even with the fatigue from a long day's work, Gabriel can't bring himself to sleep. He'd lucked out as the last week had been cloudy, meaning no sunburn, so for once it wasn't the pain of peeling skin keeping him up- rather this time it was his thoughts.

As the weather has been getting colder, and the hours of sunlight has lessened, the work days have gotten shorter- but not the urgency. Now they work harder than ever to try and gather everything they can. At the same time the famine has gotten worse. In desperation, a young boy had tried to steal a bit of extra rations. He'd been caught by their supervisors, and him and his family had been taken away. They hadn't seen them again.

Gabriel shifts, bumping into Michael, but he doesn't wake.

Of course, with the weather getting colder, their work will be coming to an end soon. Maybe another 3 weeks at best before there's nothing left to pick. After that... well no one's really sure what will happen to them.

Gabriel turns again.

Heaving a deep sigh, hesits up and feels around for his bag. He's been tossing and turning for the past hour- he's doubtful that he'll be getting any sleep tonight. Fortunately, Armin's grandfather had gotten him and his brother gifts for their birthday. Of course it wasn't much- a new hanky, some paper and a pencil for Michael, and a new piece of coal, a candle, and matches for Gabriel.

'Mr. Arlert, you're a saint.'

Finally grasping what he was looking for, he lights a match and the candle, sitting it up in a nearby holder before bringing out his journal. Of course, given the long work hours and lack of light- not to mention his sore hands and fatigue, Gabriel hadn't gotten many opportunities to write in his journal. But with that being said, it makes the few opportunities he's gotten all the more special. He's sure Michael feels the same way about his sketches.

For the first time in our lives, we didn't have any family to celebrate our birthday with- of course Eren, Mikasa, Armin and his grandfather were there, but they're no substitute for family.

I can't help but miss the normalcy that comes with Uriel waking us up to annoy us before heading out for school, or the smile Maman would send us as she'd leave for work, or even Raphael's reluctant agreement to follow us on whatever we'd decide to do for our birthday. I miss the 1tarte aux framboises Maman would make us every year since we'd turned 6. I miss the arguments that me and MIchael would have about cake. How he'd insist that it was disgusting with Uriel quickly agreeing with him, while Raphael would take my side. I miss how I'd always loose the argument, because in the end we both love framboise more than I could ever like cake.

Gabriel quickly drops the coal on the page, so he can clench his fists.

'I want it back!'

Rapidly, Gabriel tries to blink the incoming tears away. But its already too late. His eyes are wet, and his nose is uncomfortably stuffed. The best he can do now is wipe roughly at his face with his sleeve and try to stop the frustrated tears from escaping.

'It's not fair.'

After a single tear gets onto his journal, he opts to put it away and blow out his candle. If he ruins the writing with his tears, he'll have wasted a page, and who knows when he can get another journal.

Instead, he opts to climb back into the bed roll he shares with Michael. Gabriel doesn't bother laying down. Even if he does fall asleep, he'll feel even shittier in the morning- instead he opts to sit up and watch through the window as the night goes by.

Vaguely, Gabriel remembers his father pointing out the various constellations to him, Michael, and Raphael when they were younger. Raphael had been around 12, and incredibly angsty- he'd insisted all day that he wasn't interested in anything having to do with Cillian, but he still listened as he'd point out how to find the big and little dipper.

Michael had taken to it much better than Gabriel had- Gabriel had gotten lost in the first 5 minutes, but didn't want to say anything and waste what little time they had with their father. None the less, he did know a few. Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, Pegasus, as well as The Big Dipper and the Little Dipper.

And so he spent the rest of the night mapping out the constellations he remembered until it was too light out to see them. By then he just sat and watched as the sun rose. When it was finally time to get to work, he was tired, and his eyes felt dry- but for once work would be a welcome distraction.

This new life is unfair. I want the old one back.

~Translations~

1Framboise means raspberry. Les Tartes aux framboises is a raspberry tart. ​​​​​