phan ➳ oneshots

➳ remember? ~

E D I T E D

THIS IS A FETUS CHAPTER BY THE AUTHOR. AUTHOR DOES NOT LIKE THIS CHAPTER. AUTHOR IS SORRY.

warnings: mentions of cutting, depression.

words: 713

~Dan's POV~

Philip Michael Lester, do you remember the first time we talked? When I constantly spammed you with tweets, and when you finally replied to me, I felt like the happiest man alive?

Philip Michael Lester, do you remember us talking for hours on end on skype? The stupid jokes I always cracked, however lame they were, always made you laugh. Your laugh was always adorable, I've always loved it. Don't hide it.

Philip Michael Lester, do you remember when we first met at the train station? When we hugged so fiercely and got weird stares but we didn't care because I finally got to meet you in real life.

Philip Michael Lester, do you remember me finally moving in, I tackled you with a bear hug and knocked you over along with my suitcase and the coffee you were holding? We sat on your sofa and had a huge movie marathon and cuddled for a long time because I missed you so much.

Philip Michael Lester, do you remember the days where I was suffering depression? I was cutting and crying and sitting around all day. You were the only thing, the only person, keeping me sane. You helped me through it, through everything and I was so happy and thankful. 

Philip Michael Lester, do you remember introducing me to the Youtube community? I was so scared, scared of judgement and hate comments and all the bad things that could have happened. I wouldn't have started Danisnotonfire without you. I wouldn't have felt so welcomed without you. I wouldn't have 4 million Danosaurs without you.

Philip Michael Lester, do you remember when you asked me to be your boyfriend and I was crying with happiness because I finally got to have the man of my dreams and because finally the man of my dreams returned the feelings I felt towards him. I still have the video that Chris and PJ filmed of us.

Philip Michael Lester, do you remember all of our Philisnotonfires? We had so much fun making them, stealing a few kisses from each other all the time and cutting them out of the video because I was too scared to come out. I was so stupid, scared of judgement all the time.

Philip Michael Lester, do you remember the BBC radio show we did? The creative 7 second challenge you came up with and us doing crazy Dan versus Phil's all the time.

Philip Michael Lester. Do you remember me?

Do you remember all the times we shared? Do you remember all the kisses we shared, the cuddles we shared, my heart you stole?

Because I know you can't remember but I'm still hoping with everything that I have that you do remember. Right now, you're in a hospital bed. You woke up with amnesia. Not knowing my name. Not knowing me.

And after all this time. I thought that, somehow, somehow, you would remember me.

But I guess I was wrong.

Poor Dan, always feeling alone. Left out. Isolated. Unloved. Unwanted. Hurt.

But Phil.

Philip Michael Lester.

You were soon to be Phil Howell.

You woke up with amnesia. We didn't have the wedding after all. I can't do anything, nothing matters anymore. Just you.

But now you're technically gone.

I'm depressed again. I started cutting again. I'm not going to reach out to anyone. They'll judge me and they'll pity me and laugh at me.

But I will always remember all of those times I shared with you.

I remember the tweets.

I remember our skype chats.

I remember meeting you for the first time.

I remember moving in.

I remember the depression.

I remember the beginning of Youtube.

I remember you asking me to be your boyfriend.

I remember Philisnotonfire.

I remember our radio show.

I remember Phan.

We never got to tell our Danosaurs and Philions that ... did we? 

Dan and Phil. We were always a thing. Never 'Just Dan' and never 'Just Phil'. It was always you and me together.

I can remember all the little things about you, Phillip Michael Lester. And I love them.

I love you. So much. So fucking much.

You truly are amazing, Phil.