What Could've Been

if I didn't go back to my old ways

C H A P T E R 6

*Mark's faceclaim*

R E I

That carelessness, that feeling like my limbs are not my own— it has finally come. I'm finally intoxicated. After freeing myself from Hailey's presence, I rejoined Douglas inside the house to find that the party had started. Douglas was quick to drag me into a game of beer pong to which I gladly participated in. What happened between me catching the stolen glances of this hot girl spectating the game, to me making out with her in a secluded area of the house was beyond me.

I had sworn off casual hookups and here I was, under the influence, contradicting myself.

"Rei." The girl whined my name as she pulled away from the kiss to take up air. Without needing to communicate her need, I gave her the green light to go down on me, and with a smirk and eyes glossing over with lust, she sensually got down on her knees to carry out her heart's desire.

The setting, the mood, and the act made me reminiscent of a memory I wish I could rewrite because doing so would mean having Lanelle by my side. It would mean no tears, no heartbreak, and no broken promises.

*flashback*

Things were supposed to go back to normal. We talked it out then talked about everything and nothing til she fell asleep in my arms. I even woke up to a kiss on the cheek that morning. I thought everything was fine, that the misconceptions were cleared until I gazed up at her. The smile she gave me didn't meet her eyes, it felt artificial — like it was forced out for peace's sake, and that irked me. Ever since that night, she's been standoffish and the more this act of hers went on, the less I began to care. Animosity hidden beneath fake cheeriness, the placid kisses and hugs — All those subtle things, I saw through it and I was getting bored of it. And when I'm bored, I stop caring. And when I stop caring, I fuck shit up.

Yes, I'll stir the pot before she makes a mess of my heart and tells me she's been seeing someone. I'll beat her to her game.

And just like that, on a lazy Saturday morning, a girl who wasn't Lanelle was draped all over me. Unlike her, she was smiling from ear to ear. She wasn't being cryptic or having me bang my head against the wall wondering what I could've possibly done. She was clear on what she wanted and this one wanted a good fuck. Granted, I gave it to her as I zoned the world out and let myself be ensnared by lust. Now the very same girl who I thought shared the same wants, was gazing up at me with a twinkle in her eyes that will soon dim.

I could tell she wanted more than just our flesh connecting. Maybe a breakfast-in-bed, a promise of a first date, then a second, then third. For years to have passed and for this one night of passion that was supposed to be a distant memory, be a reminder of a love that had blossomed. I think she realized that was all self-deception when I rolled out of her grasp.

I had hoped for these things in someone — I somehow still am hoping for these things even though I've reached a point of no return. All that was left was the descent and man was I not ready. But that's if she were to find out or I found out that my assumptions were correct. I'd rather sit on the fence than find out.

I got up from the bed, the cheap mattress creaking under me. I slid my boxers on and wore my gym shorts. With a big stretch, I walked out of the bedroom and made my way to the kitchen where Mark was sitting on one of the stools by the kitchen island, eating cereals out of a ceramic bowl and scooping it with a serving spoon.

"What time do we have to check out the Airbnb?" I asked but Mark was just staring at me with a smirk on his face that resembled that one character in Avatar 2. I'm sure I'm going to butcher his name but I think it was Neytama or something.  Well I don't know, it was a movie Lanelle dragged me to watch which I found myself enjoyed.