Hate or Love

0.6

Confuse

I feel like mess- Nah. I surely am a mess.

I grudgingly stand from my position and went straight to the bathroom. Stripping myself on the process before standing below the shower and rinsing my body with the water.

Once again, I'm in my autopilot mode. It's currently 11:03 Am and a few minutes from now, Class would start but here I am. Contemplating if I should really go to school.

Well after what happened the past days Zyrex been nothing but a cutie. Helping me with something, Always there, patient and understanding, Not to mention a handsome man.

True to his word he's been courting me for the past days and my close friend was nothing but supportive, Especially the three. Well according to them- It would help me move on from Ryan but everything seems to take an opposite route.

While Zyrex is courting me, Ryan never failed to confused me.

Jeez. Remembering the events this past week is enough to give me a headache.

---

I'm reluctant to go to school ever since that event happened. I haven't talk to Zyrex and thankfully he was somewhat busy with his club.

But now, I have no choice but to meet him because of our Values joined report.

Adding to my headache, The past two days after the event Ryan has been nothing but moody. He would be clingy, hugging me, he never goes on a day without giving me a quick kiss on my cheeks there's this one time yesterday when we're cuddling on his apartment before going to school.

I'm down on my stomach while he's all over me. When I talked cause I saw the time it was 10:30 already.

"Come on, We have to go." I was struggling to get up but he's keeping me on place with his arms around my waist.

It makes my heart clench with so much anticipation but as much as I want to continue it, We have to go.

"5 minutes please?"

I stayed quiet waiting for his five minutes to end. Still enjoying the warmth he provide.

Until I feel like we really need to get up.

"You're 5 minutes was long done. We really need to get up Ry."

Silence filled the room when he didn't answer but after a few moment I feel a soft touch on my neck. His hugging me, His head buried in the crook of my neck so I'm sure it was him.

The soft thing mumbled against my neck.

"Fine. Just a second I'll get up. Please. "

I can't speak when he nimble my neck with his full lips. Just giving it feather kisses, My heart twist, I feel my stomach flipped and my blood rush to my cheek giving it a red blush.

Oh gosh!

"W- What are you doing?"

Oh gosh! Oh gosh! I can't help stuttering when he lick that spot, I'm barely holding back a moan when he suck it. Oh gosh!

"You smell so damn good, I was just curious what it taste like and it really do taste good Jie. What products are you using?"

Holy sh--! I closed my eyes, tight.

He gently bites it, Gently enough to give me a warm feeling down my navel and without leaving a mark.

When I can't help my moan from escaping It brings my sanity back. I quickly cover it with a cough hoping that he didn't heard me before pulling myself away from him. Standing up.

I look down on him and he has a tiny pout on his lips, Frowning with the lost contact against my body. Acting like what he just did was normal! Gosh! It was far from normal! And I wanted to scream it to his face yet,

I remained calm, collected. We're bestfriend so I guess this is normal. Tell me this is normal between friends right? Right?

Brushing the thought I face him.

"Let's go. Get up I'll wait for you in the living room."

I literally thanked myself for not stuttering and quickly went out of his room before he could even muster a word.

When I'm safely away from him, I released the shaky breathe I've been holding since earlier.

What was that?!

Remembering it brings an unbelievable amount of warmth in my chest but I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up. After all.. After all he has his girlfriend, right?

He went out quickly after, Wearing a white shirt and his P.E pants.

"Let's go? Eunice want to hang out."

He walks ahead of me while I hook my back pack on my shoulders. Tracing the spot on my neck he bites and suck. But remembering what he said slapped me back to the reality.

"Right. Eunice must be waiting."

-

That was approximately four days ago. Gosh. I can't even track down the time all I know is it's already friday today and tommorow, I can finally take a rest.

Y'know, It wasn't that scene that mess my mind up. It was also when he gets so jealous over Zyrex advances on me. Then overly annoyed when I won't reply to him right away.

It confuse me- I'm not dense towards his action seriously!

I can't help but to assume and gets my hope high then he would crushed it down. It was a constant process over the past days.

I'm so broken. It's really funny.

The one who constantly hurt and  broke me is the same person who heals and fixed me.

Damn. Unrequited love sucks, but falling inlove with your bestfriend is horrible.

Having to witness his sweet moments with his lover without freely expressing your pain kills me every time.

I want to stop- No. I need to stop before It completely ruins me. I need to kill this love.