Betrayal and Lies

4.I Have Repeated Almost- Panic Attacks Over A Stranger I Don't Know

He looked up, startled as he noticed the pretty red-headed girl heading towards him.

Oh crap, he thought in panic. Ahhh I'm not ready to have a conversation.

But maybe she wasn't heading towards him. Maybe she was heading towards someone else.

Please don't come towards me, he prayed. Please don't come towards me. Ahhh.

His brother seemed to notice his panic and squeezed his hand gently.

" I'll be right here," he told him gently.
" If You need me."

" Thanks," he whispered.

" Of course," he replied simply.

Oh no I'll have to talk to her, and she might want to be friends, and I don't know if I can do that! And what if she betrays me like ... he did? What's going to happen?

He could feel the beginning of a panic attack and forced himself to think of Taylor Swift, who always calmed him down.

His fingers itched to bring out his ESA but he forced himself not to.

You don't need her, he told himself sharply.

Not yet anyway.

Besides, he wasn't even sure if he was allowed to bring her to school.

Long Live the walls we crashed through, he chanted to himself. All the kingdom lights shined through for just me and you.

That seemed to working a little, so he continued to whisper the lyrics to himself.

I was screaming, Long Live the magic we made, he whispered to himself. And bring on all the pretenders. One day we will be remembered.

His brother got out his phone and turned on the song and started humming along.

He began to relax at the familiar tune.
" This is why I love Taylor," he declared.
His brother laughed and tousled his hair.
" I know you do," he teased. " You may of mentioned it once .... or twice , " to which he laughed.

He took a deep breath. " I think I'm okay now."
He nodded. " Okay." He put his phone away, wrapping his earbuds around the device again.

He took a deep breath as he noticed that she seemed to be coming closer .

Yep, she was definitely coming towards him.

Oh no, he thought again. Now I will have to have a conversation with her, and I don't know if I'm ready!

You can do this, Lucas, he tried to convince himself. You can ... do this.

But she seemed to be getting closer every second, and he wasn't sure he could.

Stop it, Lucas! He told himself. It's just one little conversation. What's the worst that can happen?

Okay, didn't really like that option.

What's the best I can live with?

That option wasn't really good either.

It wasn't like he didn't want a friend , he really did, he just wasn't sure if he was ready to start opening up and trusting people again.