On the Line

Chapter one: Sign me Up

I sat anxiously fiddling with my pen, worrying about the dead line that was up ahead. Concerning entry to an independent film festival, which every independent film maker dreamed of, a chance to be seen and known for people to actually hear my voice. Directing and writing was an stress reliever for me. For once in my life I can could write my own happy endings, I had control of fate through the Camera lenses. Control was already lost in reality. I don't need anyone telling me I need therapy for it, because I am currently in it. But there are somethings I cant cope with. The universe has took away my inspiration for days, until a television commercial interrupted my intrusive thoughts. A woman appeared on the television raving about her experience with an online dating site. I began to feel pity for this woman how could she be so needy for connection. Social media was decaying our society and how well we communicate with others. Everywhere I look everyone was on the phones or laptops trying to escape reality he could no longer make a real connection.

I shook my head in disgust at the ad hoping Thea would entertain a conversation with me while praying it would not turn into a huge debate. Thea was very opinionated she majored in political science with a concentration in social justice. I could never win an argument with Thea she always outsmarted me ever since we were kids.

Recently we had an argument over something minuscule and haven't spoken in two days. I had to break the silence. Do people actually believe that hoax?" Thea's eyes remained clued on the TV, not because she was interested but she did not want to deal with me.

I remained persistent I wanted an answer I hated when she wouldn't speak to me. "I'm just saying if you want to find real love you have to get out there, don't just sit at home mail order brides do not exist anymore you don't have to pay for love" I made quotations around the word love. Because clearly the woman was not in love she was purely infatuated. "What happened to the old-fashioned way? You shouldn't have to pay anyone to find your soulmate".

Thea finally broke the silence, but I could tell she was annoyed but I was slightly relieved. . "Well you know times have changed now maybe you should give it a try, you wouldn't be so bitter... Maybe you'll actually have someone by now instead of spending your time psychoanalyzing and judging others relationship."

Maybe I shouldn't have said something Thea was always cold with her words, very blunt. I wasn't bitter, I was just hurt and unwilling to sacrifice my comfort for a 'what if'. "You know why I can't..." I whisper quietly playing with my phone.

"What do you mean?" Thea asked confused by my reply and tone of voice. My mood can changes mood quickly one minute I can be controlling and judgmental the next he can be liberate and undemanding. I gave Thea a pleading look I expected her to read what I was feeling. "Cherri, use your words.. remember your therapist said you gotta start talking." Thea's tone was softer and understanding. She was always the one to help with my anxiety and coach me in life. I remained silence she proceeded.

"Cher, don't worry , I mean you can be whoever you want to be online gay, straight, someone who fucks a dog whatever you want to be maybe not that far, but don't worry I'm not the only one in the world who understands you I promise you it is okay, don't restrict yourself. Don't miss out on someone loving you because you don't love yourself."

I haven't always been confident with my looks. Throughout my childhood I was on the heavier side and was bullied for it. It was not until I met Thea in high school when she helped me find my confidence, my therapist and alternative life choices I became the person I am today. Thea and I was popular in high school. I was popular because of my art and hobbies. While she earned her notoriety through her looks and sports. Thea is who poets write about. Books where made in her image, kingdoms came down in the likes her of. She stand about 5'7 with a small round face and warm brown eyes. It was hard not notice her, she glowed. Her body frame was small, with appreciation and credit to her curves from Volleyball. She wore her hair like a crown, always versatile with her hairstyles. Her go to was protective style, box braids.