Fools in Love

17. Is Something Burning?

Damn Tori. This is his fault.

I've essentially locked myself in my own bathroom while Matt patiently watches TV until I'm ready to go. Normally a shower after work doesn't take long. Get in, wash off, remove the stench and we're done. Now is an entirely other story.

The heat of the water is too much. I turn it down. Then it's too cold. I raise it. There's steam all through the room. Perhaps it will take me away from my own embarrassment.

He likes you.

As if Tori knows that. He's being ridiculous.

Only my memory chooses to replay yesterday over and over until I see it on the back of my eyelids with every blink. Getting out of the shower means facing Matt. We'll go golfing. Have fun. Maybe grab a bite to eat. Tori's words accompanied by the acts of yesterday will flame the hopeful fire already thoroughly ignited within me. Then when nothing happens the flames will be doused to sputter ash, leaving me cold and gray.

Should I make up a lie? My stomach aches or I'm catching a cold? If only I had the guts.

Free of the stench of work, warmly dressed for the cool autumn day, I step out to spot Matt waiting patiently on my bed. Another reminder of yesterday. Although he's alone, although I'm across the room, the heat somehow returns. My arm breaks out with goosebumps that I fear will never lessen.

"Ready to go?" he asks.

Don't think so. But I don't say that. Only nod.

The lingering trepidation of our day to come diminishes due to Matt's visible eagerness. There's not a hop in his step but certainly a quick pace that sometimes results in my tugging on his sleeve in a request to slow down. Catching the light blush beneath his eyes doesn't just fan the flames. They pour gasoline into the pit.

He likes you.

He doesn't. We're friends. Matt doesn't have many people that he's close to. Of course he's excited to spend time with someone that doesn't view him as a stepping stone into the world of Hollywood. This is an outing between two friends. Nothing more.

Don't get your hopes up, Dana. Why would he like you anyways? The nerdy loser that struggles with typical day to day activities and, compared to those Matt could be with, is a terrible disappointment. He wouldn't settle for someone like me. He's out of my league.

"Are you hungry?" Matt asks in the car. "We could eat now or after."

"A-After. I'm not h-hungry yet." I'm not sure if I will be. All this negativity is giving me indigestion.

The ride consists of music and our lingering silence. If Matt notices the awkward atmosphere, he doesn't show it. I continuously check out of my peripheral, waiting for a frown or shared expression of worry only to find nothing of the sort. He sits almost proudly, humming and tapping his fingers to the tune of every song. It's utterly adorable and worsens the heart problem that I'm fairly certain I developed that day in the cafeteria. Should probably look into going to the doctors. At this rate, I will die before I hit thirty.

The miniature golf court comes into view. A stretch of land off the main road not far out of town. There's a vibrant whale shaped sign at the entrance. On the road into the office, we pass portions of the course that has me sighing in relief. Most of it looks easy enough, small courses with ocean inspired surroundings. There are even a few fountains and ponds. Jitters set in. I'm uncertain if they are signs of excitement for the course or nerves of who I'm with.

When we get to the office there isn't even time for me to take out my wallet. Actually, neither of us do. Matt states his name and the lady behind the counter smiles. She hands us what we need then wishes us a good game. I glance suspiciously at Matt when we walk out to head for the course.