Fools in Love

27. Pixelated Confessions

As expected, Matt is busy over break. We text and video call as often as we can, but it's often sporadic. Sometimes we share a few texts between two or three days, others we talk every night, but it's worth it. Matt talks about his days on set, telling funny stories of mishaps, forgetting lines, and messing with co-workers. He has missed this, and I'm going to have to get very used it.

A kiss scene, he said. I shouldn't be jealous. There's nothing going on. He's an actor, it's his job to play pretend, but when I saw the girl my composure shattered. It was an article talking about their upcoming series, showing Matt and her on set looking like the absolute superstars that they are. She's gorgeous, someone that can make anyone turn their head in interest. And they're going to be close on set, holding hands, hugging, kissing, close with each other all the time for work while I'm hundreds of miles away.

"Something wrong?" Matt asks, his face pixelated on my computer screen but still looking better than most. I don't know if I'm mad about it or happy because he is my boyfriend... for now, at least.

"Nope," I lie, leaning against the desk like I think being closer to the screen will somehow make me closer with him. "Are you done filming today? You look tired."

"Nah, just have a short break. Had some action scenes earlier. I've been away too long because they were harder to shoot than usual."

"You'll get used to it again."

"Will I?" he challenges. "What if I don't take up another job after this?"

I snort. "You will. You love it, it's obvious."

"Will you watch it?"

"What?"

"The series, when it airs."

My cheeks warm at the thought, a mixture of joy and guilt. Joy that Matt is doing what he loves and wants to share that with me. Guilt that I don't know if I can because I'm too damn self conscious. I don't know if I can handle seeing him with someone, acting or not, reminding me that he could leave me at any moment. That he should. That he could do so much better--ugh, I need to stop thinking like that... unfortunately, that's not how thoughts work. If we could change them on a whim then the world would be a much better place, and life would be a lot easier.

"Maybe," I tease, grinning at his pout. "Of course I'll watch it. We'll watch it together."

"Ugh, I don't know if I can. Watching myself act gives me the shivers." Matt actually shivers at the thought. "Makes me think of everything I could fix."

"Like you need to fix anything."

"Thanks! But your opinion is biased. Can't trust it."

I chuckle. "What's going to happen when school is back in? We only have a week left of break."

"I'm not taking as many credits this semester so I'll be going back and forth. Don't worry, though, I'll give you so much attention when we're back that you'll get sick of me."

My face is about to melt right off at this rate. "I don't know about that," I mumble, averting my gaze. "You may be the one that gets tired of me."

"Nonsense." He tilts his head, brows furrowing in sudden concern. "Something's up, I can sense it."

"Your senses are lying."

He rums, resting his chin on his hand while watching me quietly through the screen. I squirm in place, glancing about my room. I'm relieved that he can't see my TV. He may tease me for having one of his shows on pause in the background. I think I've watched everything that he's been in and, when I really miss him, I just put something on. I don't know if that's cute or creepy or both.