everywhere i go

9

i have been wanting to lay down somewhere with you. i have been wanting to be held by you, for you to be my landing place. i wanted you to rest me.

i don't know if i can do this with you any longer if it's going to hurt you,  first, do no harm, first, inflict no pain. first, i am sorry. i should not have come to you empty. i should not come to you empty.

i wil eat

i will sleep

i will hydrate

i will say no

i will seek support

i will not go alone.

i will find the courage to say what i need to say

i will come to you unempty.

i am crying at the idea of lying down with you. all i want, all i want... god, i just want some serotonin. i should not come to you needing that. i should not come to you for my chemical balance. if i need that, there are drugs for that, but you are not a medicine. i just want to know what my brain looks like. 

i will come to you holding something i took from you. what did i ever want? i will want less. 

i wanted you to hold me. one of these mornings i'll come up feeling rested. that day, i will go to you and say i am sorry.